


Three Years After

by sammi273



Series: Three Years [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Louis, F/M, M/M, Top Harry, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-01-19 21:57:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 39,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1485502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammi273/pseuds/sammi273
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Three years after Louis says those dreaded words.</p>
<p>They seemed harmless enough at the time, but little did he know how much that one sentence would change his entire life.</p>
<p>Even if it did happen three years after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

My Daddy and my Papa are soldiers.

They fight for what they believe in, which is equal love.

My Daddy's Mummy wasn't very nice to him, because she didn't support what my Daddy believes.

One day when my Daddy and Papa met, they made Carter, but they were separated.

My Daddy's Mummy kicked him out so that Daddy had to live alone on the streets.

Three years later, Daddy and Papa met again under horrible circumstances. They found out that Carter has leukemia.

After Daddy begged Papa, he let them both stay.

Carter started getting better, but after a mistake between my parents one night, Papa kicked them both out.

Carter got worse in a matter of days, and ended up dying.

Papa was beside Daddy the entire time, and they were there for each other, because there was, and still is love.

That's how I came to be.

I am here today, because they fought for love.

However, they let their guard down when I was born, because they thought that the war was over.

They were dead wrong, because the end is just a new beginning.


	2. Because Of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember Papa= Harry and Daddy= Louis

(Lily's p.o.v.)

'It'll be too hard to love someone with cancer again Harry, I'm afraid that I'll lose them,' I heard my Daddy sob that night three years ago.

Papa shushed him, but I could tell that he was crying too.

I was scared, because my little brother Kyle, who was only a year old at the time, had a seventy five percent chance of having cancer since it apparently runs in the family. At that time, Kyle wasn't the same playful strong kid that he is now. In fact, he was quite frail, and weak at the time.

I feared for his life. He is after all my baby brother, and I love him with all my heart, no matter what.

It's now three years after.

Kyle is alive and more importantly, cancer- free.

I'm eleven now, and I know more than what I did then, when I was eight. Even though I know more, I can't figure out why Papa left Kyle, Daddy, and I two months ago.

Everything is so much different now.

Daddy is always sad. Even though he doesn't cry around us, I can see sadness in his eyes. During the night, Kyle and I can hear him crying, even though he denies it in the morning.

It seems that there are permanent bruises underneath his eyes from lack of sleep.

We can't go to the park every Saturday like we used to. Uncle Zayn says that it puts too much stress on the baby. He or she isn't born yet, so Daddy has to be very careful with what he does.

Twice a week, once on Saturdays, and another time on Wednesdays, Daddy goes out, flowers in hand. I don't ask where he goes, because I already know that he goes to visit Carter.

Things were so much easier and simpler when Papa was around.

Papa would get up to make me breakfast when Daddy was pregnant with Kyle so that Daddy could sleep in.

Papa would help Daddy when ever he got sick in the mornings.

Papa would keep me occupied, and make sure I got to school while Daddy took his naps.

Now, Daddy has to make both Kyle and I breakfast because Uncle Zayn, and Auntie Perrie can't cook. They tried once, but Daddy said he'd rather make breakfast than clean up from a kitchen fire.

So as you can imagine, Uncle Zayn, and Auntie Perrie never ever cooked again under this roof.

Sometimes Uncle Liam and Uncle Niall come by with baby Ryan to help out Daddy, but they are usually busy between work, Ryan, and babysitters.

Uncle Zayn does his best to help around when ever he can since that is what h is here for after all. However, Daddy is stubborn sometimes, and doesn't always want help, because he doesn't like to feel too weak.

Daddy doesn't allow Uncle Zayn or Auntie Perrie to comfort him during his morning sickness, even though he ends up sobbing afterwards. We try to ignore it, but it's loud enough to hear through the walls.

Instead of helping Daddy, Uncle Zayn helps Kyle get ready for school. Auntie Perrie makes Daddy tea to help calm his tummy.

I wish that I can do more to help Daddy, but there's not much that I can do unless if I could bring back Papa, which I wish that I could do.

I miss Papa all the time, because he was the one who listened to my problems, and he would give me the best advice. What I miss the most about my Papa is that now there's no one to tell Kyle and I a bedtime story.

Kyle misses him a lot too. He may be only four, but he understands what is going on. Since he can't hide his sadness very well, he cries a lot more than usual. Usually he cries for no reason so that he annoys me, but now he actually has something to cry about. Now, I just wish that it was something else that he has to cry about.

Papa was teaching Kyle how to play the piano before he left, however, Kyle doesn't even want to look at a piano now. To be honest, it's a real waste of talent, because Kyle can play piano really well, even though he is so young.

Sometimes, even I envy him, because I can't even play an instrument yet. Daddy assures me that he'll teach me to play the guitar sometime. Now I'm not so sure that that'll happen, because Daddy's too sad to play. It shows.

My sadness doesn't show much since I don't cry much, when I do, it's when I know everyone is asleep. Guilt and sadness are both still strong emotions carried in my heart right next to my hopes of Papa returning.

My hopes are shrinking, because I can't help but think that maybe I jinxed all this years ago by just being grateful for having a loving family that'll be together forever.

Now, I truly think that Papa is never going to come back again because of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey guys! Happy Easter! I apologize if it's super short, but the next chapter should be a lot longer. At least I hope that it is. Anyways, I hope that you liked it! See you later!


	3. Broken Promises

(Louis' p.o.v.)

Carefully, I sat on the grass in front of Carter's grave as I have been doing every Saturday, and Wednesday.

"Do you know how it feels to wake up and be alone, Little C?" I asked while placing a hand over my outstretched stomach.

"Of course you don't, because I was always there. Well almost always there if you count those couple of days that you were alone with Harry and that witch. It gets very lonely, and you get a sort of empty feeling after awhile, because I know that he's not here. The bed is so cold without him sleeping next to me."

Sniffling a bit, I hugged myself around my stomach as if that would keep me from falling apart, as if it would actually keep me together.

"It's just that one morning he's there, and the next he's not. He managed to sneak out a couple of times, then he was just gone. At first I was confused, because I th-thought that maybe he was out on an errand, since he wasn't making breakfast. But Baby Bear, he didn't come back, and it was Saturday, and I didn't know what to do. There wasn't even a note to explain why. The last three words I heard from him weren't 'I love you', they were 'Good night Boobear.' He didn't- he didn't even say that he loves me! I was so fucking angry that he left me like this, but now, I just don't know what to feel anymore!"  
I choked back a sob, half expecting for someone to place a comforting hand on my back telling me that it's okay. However, there was no one there but cold wind to chill my skin.

"Carter, the money's starting to run out too, and I can't even work, because I don't want to hurt the baby. I won't be able to handle losing another, Hon, I just can't Now that Harry's not here, he can't always protect us now like he used to. Right now, I just feel so stuck, and scared, Little C, because I don't know what to do."

Wiping a tear away with the palm of my hand, I then placed it back over my small baby bump.

"Harry's not here to stop me from cutting either, so I have to stop myself, because I know it's not healthy for me or the baby. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't stare at the blade, every morning it tempts me. At least three times, I've come close to cutting myself. I'm not even allowed to drink alcohol either. If I do, then it will hurt the baby, and I don't want to hurt my baby."

I paused a moment and just stared at Carter's gravestone. My fingers lightly traced over the engraved words, 'Always in our hearts. You were a great soldier, and you fought well.'

"I think that I've never been more scared in my life, except for when I got super sick that one morning. I know you remember me telling you about it, because that was the one Wednesday that I didn't come. It was horrible, I got so sick that I puked for an entire hour straight. After I finished puking, I got dizzy, and told Lily to call Zayn, then I ended up passing out right then and there. When I woke up, Zayn was there, along with Perrie. They tried giving me something light to eat, but I ended up running to the bathroom to puke it all back up, and then some."

I shuddered a bit at the memory, " it was so bad that I stayed in bed all day, a puke bucket next to me. Zayn said that I needed someone else here to help me out, and look after me, and he was more than willing to do it. Of course I agreed, even though neither Zayn or Perrie can cook, but they are all I have. Perrie only comes by sometimes to help out in the mornings. I'm grateful for their help and all, but I still want Harry more."

Sighing, I tiredly caressed my baby bump.

"Remember when I said that Kyle might have cancer? Well over these three years, he's still healthy, and shows no signs of cancer, thank God. He likes to annoy his sister all the time, so Lily hopes that the baby's a girl. I'm no quite sure what I want the baby's gender to be, but I know that Harry wants a girl too. Kyle wants a boy so that he'll have a playmate. He gets tired of being ignored by his big sister."

I grinned a bit, because Lily has her own way of showing love towards her brother. It's a funny kind of way, but it works out for them.

"Oh my goodness Lily, is growing up too fast Carter, she's already eleven! She got her period two weeks ago, and I had to give her the sex talk alone, because Perrie didn't want to do it. It was very embarrassing, Little C! Now she won't stop asking me embarrassing questions about it. I wish that Harry is here to help me endure the questions, but he's not. Besides, even if he was, he'd probably find it amusing and say 'she's just curious, you can't really blame her.' I love her, but she's just growing up way too fast."

Sighing, I paused and thought a bit before continuing on.

"Lily really worries me sometimes, because I see bruises on her arms, and sometimes she comes home limping. She's more quiet since Harry left. I ask her to talk to me, for her to tell me what's wrong, but instead she gets angry at me, even though she has sad eyes. She's still my baby, even if she is in fifth grade, and going into sixth, and she will always be my baby."

It was silent as I looked up at the darkening sky. The sky over the horizon was painted dark oranges and pinks due to the setting sun.

"I'm scared for the baby too, because my tummy is a lot bigger than it was for either you, Lily, or Kyle. During my next doctor visit I'll be sure to ask, than I'll tell you."

I stared at Carter's grave, the simply designed letters were almost mocking me. 'Carter T. Tomlinson'.

"If you were still alive, you'd be fourteen, you know," I said in barely a whisper. "You'd be here to help me along with Zayn. I really miss you Carter, and it's not fair. Life's just not fair. I shouldn't have to miss both you and Harry. I feel so empty without you both. It's like half of me is missing, you know? I'm starting to think that Harry's not coming back now. It has been two months after all. I guess it works out, because I get to keep all of Harry's clothes. It's the only thing that I can wear and still be comfortable now. They still even smell like Harry. I don't think it's physically healthy to miss someone this much."

I had to stop myself from talking or else I'd burst out sobbing, so I rubbed my stomach to calm myself down.

"Maybe he just stopped loving me, and that's why he left. I guess that he's going to just keep breaking his promises, promises are made to be broken. After all, how could he love me when he left me alone with the kids while I was two months pregnant."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hope that you like it so far, the next chapter will be more interesting, I promise!


	4. America

It is yet another Monday morning that I woke up without Harry's safe strong arms wrapped around my body, and yet another day that I have to try surviving and going through without Harry beside me.

Looking at the clock, I sighed when it read 5:30 A.M. It's way too early to be up right now, but the nausea I felt in my stomach protests otherwise. Right now, I really wish that I could still sleep in like I used to, but I know by now that wishes don't come true, obviously.

If they did, then Harry would have been here already.

Carefully getting out of bed, I was then suddenly overwhelmed with dizziness, and a stronger sense of nausea as I stood upright. Rushing to the bathroom, which is attached to Harry and I's bedroom, with my hand cupped over my mouth, I began to empty my stomach's contents into the toilet.

I whimpered as my stomach constricted with another heave, and rubbed a shaky hand over my rather large baby bump. It's starting to seriously get harder to bend over like this, it's not terribly difficult, but there is a noticeable difference than when I was pregnant before.

Once I finished up, I flushed, then washed my hands and brushed my teeth to get rid of the disgusting taste that lingered.

I was already to hear the shower running in the other bathroom, and I knew that Lily was already getting ready. She is usually the first to get ready since she is relatively quick in the bathroom, I only wish that I could say the same for Kyle.

Even with Zayn's help, he's still slow in the bathroom.

Avoiding my reflection entirely, I walked out the bathroom on shaky legs. I felt so drained of my energy that I didn't want to get ready, and thankfully I don't have to, because I have nowhere to be today.

As I walked down the stairs, I walked carefully, and held on to the wooden rail so that I wouldn't fall, knowing that no one would catch me.

When I entered the kitchen, I saw Perrie busying herself at the stove with making my tea. She already knows how I like my tea, so she doesn't even have to ask, which saves some time.

Opening the fridge, I took out eggs, cheese, and other various ingredients for omelets.

"Good morning," Perrie greeted me, finally noticing that I was present. "How are you feeling?"

I shrugged a bit, "I didn't puke as much this morning if that's what you're asking. Can you get me the skillet?"

Zayn said that I absolutely can not bend over or be on the floor so that I don't hurt the baby, so of course I have to listen to him. All the pots and pans had to be moved to the lower lower cabinet, because I couldn't reach them when they were in the higher cabinets.

"You know that's not what I meant. How do you actually feel?" Perrie asked while grabbing the skillet, and handing it to me.

"M'fine," I mumbled, as I do every morning.

We both knew by now that I was lying, but she doesn't comment.

***

There was an unusual silence that hung over the table as Lily and Kyle at, I sat sipping my hot tea while glancing at the empty chair that Harry usually sits at.

"How did you two sleep?" I asked in attempt to break the silence.

Lily shrugged, "had nightmares like every other night.

"Me too," Kyle said while slumping in his chair, and finishing his breakfast. "But after I woke up, I tried going back to sleep, but Lily was crying too loud."

My eyes traveled over to meet Lily's green eyes. "You want to talk about it Lily?" She didn't look up from her empty plate without answering.

Instead, she got up with her empty plate and pecked me on the cheek, "I don't wanna be late again, bye Daddy. Let's go Kyle."

Kyle also got up, and put his plate in the sink as did Lily. Reaching up on his tip toes, he also pecked my cheek, "bye Daddy."

I held back a sigh, "bye Lily, and Kyle, see you too after school. Love you, have a good day."

"Love you too Daddy," they said in sync, then looked at each other, and Kyle stuck her tongue out at Lily. Lily rolled her eyes.

I watched them as they both walked out the kitchen, I knew that Perrie was going to drive them to school, so they'll both be okay.

Setting my mug down, I rested my forehead against the table. If Zayn hand't walked in, I would have fallen asleep. "Come on Loubear, if you are going to take a nap, you can at least sleep on the couch."

I groaned, and mumbled, "I don't wanna move."

"That's fine you don't have to," Zayn said, and carefully picked me up, and carried me into the living room bridal style before setting me down on the couch.

"Thanks Z," I mumbled while reaching for the remote, and turning on the telly which was on the news channel.

"No problem. So how are you feeling today?" Zayn asked as he sat next to me. "And don't give me the same 'm'fine' crap like you do to Perrie, tell me the truth."

"To be honest," I sighed. "I miss him a lot, and I really want him to come back."

I was aware of Zayn's hand on my back in a friendly gesture, tears threatened to spill, but I sniffled and blinked them away. "Don't worry Lou, if he really loves you and the kids, then he will come back."

The words 'If he really loves you and the kids, then he will come back' kept swirling around in my head. I was afraid of that very thing, because another 'if' ran through my head. What if Harry doesn't come back.

***

After a couple of hours or so, I woke up from my nap, and walked to the kitchen to grab a bowl of chocolate ice-cream. When I walked back into the living room, I nearly passed out as I saw familiar green eyes on the t.v. screen.

"It seems that Harry Styles has recently been spotted leaving a hospital in Los Angeles, California by a bystander. For those who have been living under a rock, and don't know who Harry Styles is, he is a famous manager of a music company. However, I couple of months ago, he completely disappeared. No one has soon or heard from him since then-"

Immediately, I paused the t.v. and sat on the couch just studying the slightly blurry image before me. Blurry or not, I could still tell that it was Harry from the dark curls, and green eyes. His skin was sickly pale, even for Harry.Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes from the happiness I felt when I finally saw his face, even if it is just on the telly.

"ZAYN!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

Almost instantly Zayn ran down the stairs, "what are you okay? Is the baby okay?" He asked frantically when he rushed over to me. "Is everything alright?"

"We're going to America, we have to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Here it finally is! I meant to update yesterday, but I had somewhere to be, so I updated to day instead, so yay! Anyways, thank you guys for all the support! Without you people, I wouldn't really have any motivation to keep going.
> 
> So once again, thanks, love you all, and see you later!


	5. Shattered Mirrors

"No, we are not," Zayn said sternly, talking to me as if I was a child.

"And why the Hell not!?" I asked, truly pissed, because since when does Zayn make all of my decisions?

Zayn looked at me as if he couldn't believe I was asking that question. "I can name a few, but for starters, Lou, you are pregnant! You have to think about the baby's health and well- being as well as your own, and the kids. Also, do you know how much a round trip will cost, as well as food, and a hotel? Last time I checked, you really don't have money to spare. If Harry wanted to come back, he'll come back on his own. Right now, you have to stay and take care of Lily and Kyle. Lou, I just don't want you to get hurt."

"Z, you can't make all my decisions for me. There's emergency money that Harry and I saved up over the years in case something happened to the one of us, and need money to support Lily and Kyle. The baby will be just fine if I go on a plane, I just have to go later in the day so I don't feel sick. Zayn, I'm getting Harry back. I'm tired of feeling like this, and it's not healthy for the baby or me. Z, I have to at least try, and know for sure," I sniffled. "And if I do end up hurt, then... then I'll try moving on."

He sighed, and it was silent between us for awhile. I studied Harry's picture on the telly once more, and wiped away a stupid tear that I tried blinking back. "Z, you can't make my decisions for me," I whispered.

Zayn watched me before giving in, "fine you can go, as long as you let me come with you. You need someone to help you."

"Thanks for approving," I tightly hugged Zayn.

"I don't approve of it, I just understand."

***

"Where are we going again, Daddy?" Kyle asked as Zayn drove us to the nearest airport.

"If you would actually pay attention, you would know that we're going to America to get Papa back," Lily answered as she continued to look out the window at the gathering rain clouds.

"I wasn't asking you Lily!" Kyle whined, I watched him cross his arms from the rear view window. "I was asking Daddy."

"Does it look like I care?" Lily asked.

I watched as they began arguing, and sighed, placing a hand over my baby bump. Zayn blocked them completely out, and kept his eyes on the road.

"How do you do that?" I asked him after ten minutes.

"Do what?" Zayn asked, glancing over at me quickly before returning his gaze on the road.

"Block those two out. They've been at it for at least ten minutes."

Zayn shrugged, "well growing up with three annoying sisters, so the art of ignoring anything annoying became second nature to me."

"I need a super power like that one day," I grumbled.

***

I watched nervously as the ground disappeared, and the buildings became so small that I could barely see them. Lily watched in fascination out the window, but Kyle seemed to care less, chatting with Zayn instead.

Silently, I continued looking out the window, thousands of 'what ifs' swirling in my mind. 'What if Harry really doesn't want me? What if I screw up? What if he's already seeing someone? What if I somehow have a sudden miscarriage while on the plane, and lose the baby? What if... what if... what if...'

My stomach twisted uncomfortably, and I felt as if I were going to puke again.

Lily looked over at me, "Daddy, everything is going to be okay. We'll get Papa back, and we'll all go back as a happy family like we were before."

I managed a small grin, though I think it turned out to be more of a grimace, "thanks hon."

Lily didn't say anything more as she continued staring out the window. Kyle decided to climb into her lap, much to her surprise as well as mine.

"Kyle get off of me," Lily grumbled.

"Nope," Kyle answered, while looking out the window along with Lily. "I wanna look out the window with you. You have to share the window or else it's not fair."

"Fine whatever," Lily sighed. "I guess there's no point in trying to stopping you."

I silently watched the two of them with sleepy eyes, closing my eyes, and resting my head on my propped up hand. There was a comfortable silence, excluding the chatter of random people on there mobiles. Behind me, there was someone snoring rather loud, but I was too tired to care.

"Lily, isn't it the morning time?" Kyle asked sounding confused.

"Well duh, why are you asking?" Lily snorted.

Sighing, I cracked my eyes open and watched the exchange between the two of them. Kyle's eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, similar to what Harry does when he doesn't understand something.

"Well if it's day time, then why are the stars already out?" Kyle asked.

Humming a bit in thought, Lily finally came to a conclusion, "we're in outer space Kyle, it's always night time out here, so the stars are always out."

"Oh okay," was all I was able to hear from Kyle as I let sleep overtake me, and was immediately drowning in darkness that seemed to suffocated me.

***

There was darkness for awhile, until suddenly there wasn't.

There was light, a blinding light, yet light all the same.

It was both beautiful, yet dangerous, but I reached my hand to touch it anyways.

There was a burning sensation, but that quickly disappeared, and turned into a weird tingly feeling that almost tickled.

The light turned into a mirror, and what I saw in it made me want to cry, scream, shout in joy, and it made me fill empty inside as tears filled my eyes.

I could see Carter's face in the mirror, he was pale, but he looked as alive as ever, his lips moved, and actual words came out.

"Hi Daddy."

My mouth opened and shut multiple times, but I just couldn't get any words out. A lump formed in my throat, tears filled my eyes.

Reaching out a shaky hand, I placed my hand over Carter's cheek, even though all I felt was the cool smooth surface of the mirror.

Crter's eyes suddenly turned to those of panic, and the mirror suddenly cracked right where my hand was, so I quickly removed it. I watched in despair as the glass absolutely shattered, and Carter was gone again.

"No," I sobbed out quietly, but it sounded too quiet, and didn't properly let out out what I was feeling. "NO!" I yelled out louder this time.

Someone was shaking me, and my nightmare started to fade away. I nearly growled while thrashing my arms around in attempts to make them stop, and go away, so that I can return to my dream.

"Come on Lou, you've got to wake up, we'll be landing soon." I heard Zayn's voice say through the haze.

Almost instantly, I snapped awake, "wha'?"

"The plane's landing in fifteen minutes," Zayn repeated slower as I rubbed the sleep out of my bleary eyes.

"Oh," I yawned. "Okay."

His brown eyes started studying me, "are you feeling alright?"

"M'fine, m'fine," I assured him, even though I was trying to convince myself the same thing as well, because I know that I'm the exact opposite.

If Zayn noticed, he sure didn't say anything, and I'm grateful, because if he asked, I might have ended up lashing out at him to be honest.

"Okay. Do you need anything or-"

I cut him off sharply, "when I said that I'm fine, I meant it, and I don't need anything."

When I turned to look out the window, I didn't miss the tired look on Lily's face, or the sad one that Kyle wore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I swear that I tried making this chapter longer, I really did, I promise, but it just didn't work out as I planned. I hope that you still enjoyed it even though it's short! The next chapter will have a major event in it, so mentally prepare yourselves! See you later!


	6. Just Another Scar

Los Angeles is a lot warmer than London, in fact it's freaking blazing hot. There were a lot of people here just at the airport.

I kept my eyes looking in front of me as I held on tightly to Kyle's hand, afraid to lose him in the crowd of people. Zayn are behind us with Lily, and every now and then I would check behind us just to make sure that they were still there.

I felt someone bump into my side, as I quickly turned to them I glared at him, "watch where the Hell you're going!?"

"Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry," I heard him say. His eyes left my face to look down at my stomach, and I could feel his judging eyes nearly burn holes into my baby bump. "Ew... you're a fag."

"Excuse me? I know you did not just say that in front of me, my friend, and my kids," I growled at him, while placing my hands over Kyle's ears. "Yes, I'm pregnant and I'm happy, now go away so that my family and I can continue on with our day without judge mental shitheads like you."

The stranger held anger in his eyes as he stepped uncomfortably close to me, "what did you call me?"

"I called you a judge mental shithead, if you're deaf as well as stupid, then you must have a very sad life."

Zayn decided to intervene when the stranger's fists started clenching, and got between the stranger and I. "I think that is just enough. You, shithead leave my friend alone, we have better things to do than you obviously do. Let's go Lou."

***

Fifteen minutes later, we were walking down a random sidewalk, holding all our luggage. Zayn, however, wouldn't let me hold my stuff, just because I'm pregnant, as if that makes any sense.

"Daddy?" Kyle looked up at me as he carried his small travel bag.

"Yeah Hon?" I answered while looking down at him for a moment before I continued looking in front at the side walk crowded with people.

"What's a... a shithead?" he asked while his brow furrowed slightly. Lily's eyes widened slightly, and she covered her mouth to stifle a laugh, but failed miserably.

My mouth went dry, "um... well you see..." I tailed off as I looked over to Zayn for help. However, he only chuckled, and shook his head while mouthing 'he asked you.'

Kyle's expectant eyes still looked up towards me, "it's not a word that you should say, Kyle." I tried my best to explain, "it's a... it's a really bad word. So... don't say it again, okay?"

"Oh, okay," Kyle asked, while still looking confused, but he didn't say anything more on the topic.

Suddenly, I remembered something quite important, "shoot Z, where are we going to stay for the next three days? I sort of forgot to book us a hotel room."

I expected Zayn to turn and look at me in anger, but when I dared to glance up into his dark eyes, all I saw was amusement. "Don't worry about it, I already booked us a hotel before we left. I clearly thought this through more than you did."

Sighing, I decided to not answer him.

As we continued walking, I received many judge mental glances that caused me to place my empty hand over my baby bump as if that would protect my unborn baby from their hurtful glares.

"Daddy, how exactly are we going to find Papa? Los Angeles is a lot bigger than I thought it would be, and there's a lot of people here." Lily asked me, concern laced her voice.

I contemplated my answer, "to be honest, I'm not entirely sure on how we're gonna find Papa. But don't worry, we will find him. I promise."

At least I can keep my promises.

***

"I can't promise that I won't leave you, or hurt you, because I'm only human, and I make mistakes, just like everyone else. I can only promise that I will always love you."

I heard Harry's words in my head repeating over and over again as I stood on the balcony going through old pictures of Harry on my mobile. Harry bought it for me a couple months into our relationship, because he always wanted to be able to call me and make sure I was okay. He'd always text me during his breaks to ask if I'm okay, or if I need anything.

A small grin forced its way onto my face at the memory.

Despite the small grin, I could still feel the salty tears begin to prick the corners of my eyes. When I came across a picture of Harry with cake on his face, I couldn't help the giggle that passed my lips, nor the small tear that rolled down my cheek.

On Lily's first birthday, Lily apparently found it funny to smear cake all over Harry's face.

Sniffling, I wiped away a tear only an entire onslaught of tears to take its place as I scrolled to the next picture.

It was the day that Kyle was born.

Kyle's tiny sleeping body was bundled in a blue blanket. I held him carefully to my chest, almost afraid that I would crush him. Even though I was tired, I still smiled, because that day was a happy one. Harry was next to me, an arm slung around me. Seven year old Lily stood in front of him, striking an adorable pose like she was a princess, which she still is.

Zayn had taken the picture, because I had insisted that Harry had to be in it too, since he is the father after all.

I heard someone clear their throat, quickly I turned to look behind me only to see Zayn.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Zayn asked quietly.

Sniffling, I shook my head, and looked down over the balcony instead.

"I seriously hate to see you like this over Harry, Lou. Can you at least just tell me how to make you feel better?" Zayn asked.

"To be honest Zayn, I'm not sure anything but Harry can make me feel better right now." I answered with a shrug, not bothering to wipe away my tears, knowing that it's okay to cry around Zayn.

It's safe to.

He sighed, "I'm just me, not Harry. I'll jump off a cliff for you if you wanted me to. You aren't alone, though Louis, so don't think that you are, because I'm right here. As long as I'm here, I'll always be here to help you no matter what."

I managed a small grin, "thanks, mate, but right now I want to be alone."

"I'm staying with you," Zayn said sternly.

"Whatever then," I mumbled. "I'm going for a walk." Wiping away my salty tears, I began to walk back inside, and managed to get to the front door before I felt a someone's eyes on me, and I turned to see Lily.

Her green eyes were sad, "are you leaving too like Papa?"

"No princess, of course not," I hugged her closely to me. "I will never ever leave you or Kyle, I'd end up crying too much, and come back even if I did. I would miss you guys too much."

She sighed in relief. "Where are you going then?"

"I'm going out to look for Papa, I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?" I asked.

"Okay Daddy, I'll see you soon."

Placing a peck on her forehead, I answered with a small, 'see you soon' before walking out the door, making sure that I had the room key in my pocket.

***

As I walked down a random sidewalk, I had absolutely no idea where I was going, but at the moment, I really could care less on where I was.

I stared at my mobile as if it held the answer that I was looking for, but of course there was nothing. A couple calls from Zayn, a few texts from Niall and Liam. Nothing from my Mum, nothing from Lottie, but more importantly, nothing from Harry.

There was a slight pain in my shoulder as I accidentally bumped into someone, and I looked up to quickly apologize before they said anything. However, when I looked up, I immediately froze, and my mouth hung open as I stared into familiar green eyes.

He stared into my own eyes as if he had seen a ghost.

"H-Harry?" I whispered in disbelief.

His skin was paler than it had been in the picture on the telly. His dark curly hair has grown a lot in the past couple months. Dark rings were under his eyes to match my own, which were also probably from lack of sleep. A couple of bruises could be visible on his arms. My stomach twisted uncomfortably as his scent filled my lungs.

"What the Hell are you doing here?" Harry asked after clearing his throat, but his voice was still coarse, and harsh.

"I am looking for you. Harry, please come back, everything is so much harder without you. I c-can barely make it through a morning without you. If I can't m-make it through a m-morning, I- I don't know how the Hell you expect me to go through this pregnancy alone." No matter how hard I tried to sound mad, I still sniffled involuntarily. Tears filled my eyes against my will, but I cursed silently, and blamed it on pregnancy hormones.

Harry shook his head, and took a step back away from me. I reached out to hug him, but instead of being met with open arms, I was met with a glare.

"You did it once with Carter, you can do it again," he replied, but it sounded wrong coming out of his mouth. It was hurtful, and from those words alone, it felt as if a sword pierced my heart.

"No," I whispered. "You're wrong, because that's what I thought too, at first, but here I am now. Harry, I can't do this on my own this time, I t-tried, but I c-can't. Zayn has to help me to just get the kids ready in the m-mornings."

He shrugged as if he didn't care, but his eyes held worry, and if I'm not mistaken, there was sadness there as well. "Well that is your problem right now, not mine."

"Please don't do this," I whispered, and looked into his eyes pleadingly. "I can't take another rejection Hazza."

Something changed in his eyes, and he looked away from me as if it physically pained him to look at me right now. "Well it looks like you are just going to have to deal with another rejection."

"B-but, I- I l-love you still," I whimpered as my bottom lip began to tremble.

My heart shattered into pieces as he snorted, "that's what I thought to. Guess we were both wrong on that one."

Palming away a tear, I tried not to cry, I swear I really did, but I couldn't help it. "H-Haz, please d-don't. If it's m-me, I can change, I sw-swear I c-can. Don't l-leave me."  
"You're the one doing the leaving, go away, Louis. I left for a reason. Act your fucking age, and quite crying over a stupid heart break." Harry rolled his eyes as he turned away from me, and began to walk away.

I guess that Harry was meant to be just someone else to leave a permanent scar, because when he turned and walked away, that is all he left behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: HI! I hope you guys didn't cry too much, but I promise that it will get better! Don't hate me though! I know that Harry's being a dick, but that will all be explained later, I promise.
> 
> Originally, this chapter wasn't exactly supposed to go this way, but I guess that things don't turn out the way they are supposed to X).
> 
> So anyways, love you all! See you later!


	7. Love Is A Promise

With tears cascading relentlessly down my cheeks, I didn't even look behind me to catch one last glimpse as Harry walked in the opposite direction as me. I caught a few people's pitying glances as my breath hitched in small sobs, but all I did was glare at them, and walk away faster. There was a crowd of people, and at the moment I didn't want to be around anyone at all.

I didn't even want to be around Zayn, Lily, Kyle, or anyone else.

So when I laid eyes on an empty park, I nearly sobbed from relief, quickly rushing over to it. Opening the gate that was supposed to protect it, I walked over to the swing set, and sat in one of the small swings.

There was an overwhelming sense of déjà vu as I sat in that swing, and immediately, I couldn't help but think about the first night I had to spend alone without Carter. I was starting to regret ever leaving London.

Maybe I was right after all with Harry falling out of love with me, it is possible.

"I wish that we didn't leave London," I whispered into the cool night air, not really expecting an answer back. At night, London was quiet, and the park was a place that I could have peace to clear my head. However, here in LA, everything was so loud and noisy that I could barely hear myself think.

"I- I wish that I had m-my guitar w-with me," I said a bit louder, but I knew no one could hear me over the busy cars on the street.

I hesitated before I voiced my next thoughts. "I w-wish th-that H-Harry st-still loved me," I managed to choke out through my sobs. My wishes all hung unanswered in the empty in the night air. No matter how filled with noise it was, the air still seemed empty.

I know better than any other person out there that wishes are never answered.

No matter how long and hard I wish.

They just never do come true.

***

I'm not sure just how long I cried, or how long I stayed at the park letting my mind wander, before I finally just became numb. Maybe it's because I ran out of tears to cry, or maybe it's because I was just too tired to deal with any emotions.

Sniffling, I began to make my slow way back to the hotel, not quite prepared for the lecture that I was about to receive from Zayn, or the worried expressions that Lily and Kyle would give me.

Attempting to silently sneaking in, I took out my room key, and quietly unlocked the door. When I tried to silently open the door, it ended up squeaking in protest. Almost immediately, Zayn, Lily, and Kyle were at the door, hugging me tightly, but carefully.

Both Lily, and Kyle's eyes were puffy and red, probably from crying.

This is a lot worse than worry.

Sighing, I hugged them back.

My heart nearly broke as a fat tear rolled down Kyle's cheek, but I instantly brushed it away with my thumb. "Hey everything's okay, see? I'm right here, I told you that I could never leave you." When I spoke, my voice was hoarse.

Lily sniffled, and if it was possible, my heart broke even further, "I- I know, b-but you were gone f-for a really long time."

"It was't that long-" I paused, and frowned, "at least it didn't feel like that long."

Zayn looked at me, "mate, you were gone for four hours."

"I'm so sorry you guys, I promise that I won't do that to you again." I said, instantly feeling guilty at how easily I let time escape from me.

"I'll forgive you, but under one condition. You have to bring us to the beach tomorrow," Lily said immediately, as if she had planned it out already.

Sighing, I lightly massaged my forehead to get rid of a headache, "I'm not sure, Lily. Maybe we'll go tomorrow, it depends on how I'm feeling, okay?"

Kyle crossed his arms, "but you have to or else I won't forgive you either."

"Okay Hon, but we'll still have to see based on weather and all that. I did tell you to bring your swim suits, it would be only fair if I let you use them." I managed to say with a sense of fake cheeriness behind my voice. "How about you two go and get changed into your pajamas. It's way past your bedtimes."

Due to the fact that there was only one bathroom, Kyle was the first one to grab his pajamas, and I was about to go help him get ready form bed. However, Zayn seemed to sense my exhaustion, and instead went to help Kyle get ready.

Once they were gone, Lily automatically looked over at me. Her eyes were careful, and she hesitantly whispered when she asked the question, "did... did you find Papa?"

I looked up into her wide green eyes, and I knew that I couldn't lie to her, even if it would hurt her less.

"Yes, I did."

Her eyes held confusion at my answer, "then why isn't he here with us?" Lily whispered as if it was a secret.

"Be-because..." my voice faltered for a moment, so I cleared my throat and looked back down. "Because he doesn't want to be here, hon."

"But- but, why, well we see him again?" Her eyes shone with tears that wanted to fall.

"Honestly, I don't know, princess," I managed to whisper.

***

That night once Lily and Kyle were asleep, I knew that Zayn was going to scold me, so the moment that he opened his mouth, I hugged him tightly around the neck, not really in the mood for a lecture. "Please don't be mad at me, Z, please don't," I whispered into his ear, hating how weak I sounded.

He sighed, and I could feel his warm breath move past my ear, "I'm not mad, Lou. You had us all worried, and we had absolutely no idea where you were."

"I literally bumped into Harry," I sniffled as I could feel the tears threatening to spill again.

"What happened?" was all he said to me, and he knew that I would tell him, because those words were the same two words that he always used when he wanted to know something

"He- he said that-" I broke off into a sob as I recalled his words. "W-well basically he- he rejected me again," I whispered. As I said the words, my situation became more real. "You were right."

"Right about what?" he asked lowly.

"That if he wanted to come back, then- then he will," I answered. "He- he didn't even say 'I love you back', Zayn, and it's just not fair."

Zayn comfortingly rubbed my back as I began to cried into his shoulder.

"You deserve this at all, Lou. You deserve someone who will always love you." Zayn murmured into my ear, which didn't help at all with my crying, and only resulted in more tears.

"Why do you even love him when he keeps breaking your heart like this, Lou? I hate seeing you cry at all, you know. Why do you force yourself to suffer more than necessary?" Zayn asked carefully, truly confused.

"I love him, b-because I still trust him, and he p-promised to al-always love me. I don't know if he's keeping up his end of the promise, but I'm keeping mine. I just can't h-help it." I admitted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Okay, so that's where I'm gonna cut it off I guess. Sorry if this chapter sucks, it's super late here, but I'm updating because I love you people!


	8. There For Me Always

The next morning, I woke up in a strange bed next to Zayn. He wasn't facing me, but I could tell from his steady breaths that he was still asleep. Furrowing my brow, I tried to remember where we were, and even what had happened last night.

Everything that happened yesterday suddenly crashed on me in waves. It felt as if there was a heavy weight in my chest as I remembered the harsh words that Harry said to me.

'You did it once with Carter, you can do it again.'

I started silently sobbing at the reminder. Nausea almost immediately took over as I managed to even sit up. Once I was sitting up, however, I suddenly felt a headache from all the crying I probably did in the last twenty four hours. Pressing a firm palm to my forehead, I whimpered slightly, and hit Zayn's shoulder in attempts to wake him up.

"Zayn please get up," I whined.

Sleepily, Zayn turned on his side to look at me, eyes only halfway open. "Wha' ?" He yawned.

"C-can help me to the bathroom, p-please?" I managed to ask without puking, despite the strong horrible waves of nausea I felt in my stomach.

Almost instantly Zayn got out of bed, snapped out of his previous sleep induced state. "Okay," Zayn simply said as he carefully, but swiftly, picked me up. If it were any other day, I would have protested, and probably slapped him (playfully of course). But this is not any other day, and I was not in the mood to puke all over the fancy white hotel sheets.

Opening the bathroom door, Zayn then set me down so that I was in front of the toilet.

This time as I sobbed, and heaved my guts up into the toilet, I allowed Zayn to comfort me, because in that moment, all I needed was someone to be here for me.

Zayn, in that moment was there for me just as he promised he always would be.

***

There was pain.

There wasn't any light.

There was only pain and darkness.

I screamed, hoping to get rid of the pain, but it did absolutely nothing, and the pain became something more intense.

This is torment, total and complete torment.

Then, all at once, I could hear Carter's small voice, it started out as a whisper, but it steadily grew into something louder than my screaming.

"Daddy!" He kept saying over and over again, "Daddy, help me, please!"

Gradually, I was aware of someone shaking me, slowly pulling me out of the nightmare. Carter's voice faded into both Lily and Kyle's voice calling me. "Daddy wake up! We're going to the beach today, remember?"

Opening my eyes, I looked at them with tired red eyes, "I'm not feeling too good right now. We may have to cancel, or try going later."

Kyle pouted, crossed his arms, and started whining. "But Daddy, that's not fair! You said that you would take us!"

Sighing, I tried getting up, but I was overwhelmed with a sense of dizziness as I tried, so settled for just sitting up, hoping that would help clear my head. "Where's Uncle Zayn?"

"He went out to get something for breakfast." Lily answered.

"He told us that he'd be back soon, but he's been gone for ages," Kyle nodded agreeingly. "I think that an alien ate him or something like that, but Lily doesn't think so."

I chuckled, and fondly ruffled his hair, "sorry Ky, but I don't think so either."

The hotel room door opened, and Zayn came in with two trays filled with food. "I'm back. How are you feeling Lou?" He carefully set the two trays of food on the small table.

"Feeling dizzy s'all." I murmured, quickly adding, "but I'll be okay." If I told him how I really felt with Lily and Kyle in the room, I'd probably end up worrying them more than necessary. Dark skeptical eyes met mine, however I looked away.

"Okay, do you want anything to eat right now?"

I slightly shook my head.

"We can wait to eat breakfast with you Daddy," Lily said as she sat on the edge of the bed I was laying in.

"No no, you don't have to do that. Go ahead and eat, I don't mind," I prompted. Lily didn't say anything as she got up to peck my cheek, then sat at the table next to Kyle.

Zayn handed me a paper cup filled with water, which I was about to refuse, but Zayn gave me 'the look'. It practically spoke for itself, 'drink it Lou, drink it for the baby.'

Without protesting, I took the cup and quickly drank it all in one gulp. "Thanks."

"No problem," he said as he put the cup down, and sat on the bed where Lily had previously sat. "So tell me," his voice was low, "how do you really feel?"

"Just dizzy," I answered with a nonchalant shrug.

"You and I both know that that's not all Lou, tell me what's up." Zayn looked into my eyes, inviting me to tell what he already knew, but I glared and looked away.

"Don't you dare make me discuss this in front of Lily and Kyle," I hissed at him.

He sighed, changing the subject, "fine, then we'll talk about this later. Do you think that you're still up for going to the beach today?"

"I can still at least try to take them. I... I don't want to disappoint them too." I watched Lily and Kyle sit in complete silence as they ate. It wasn't always like that though. Lily would have something to share about some band, Kyle would have his epiphanies about life, and everything was more lively.

"I know Lou, but they'll understand if you can't take them, you need your rest. You spent half the night crying. If you want, I can take them to the beach instead if you'd like. They get to go to the beach, and you get to have your sleep. Sound good?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure just... can you make sure you keep me updated with what's going on?" I asked while looking at him.

All he did was nod, and answer with two simple words, "of course."

***

Sighing, I turned the telly on in attempts to get rid of the unrelenting silence that filled the hotel room once Zayn had left with the kids. There was some boring dude talking about the weather, which is going to pretty much be all sunny. We're in LA, go figure.

Turning onto my side away from the screen, I then allowed myself to fall asleep to the monotone murmurings of the weather man.

However, no matter ow hard I tried, I wasn't able to fall back asleep. Placing my interlaced hands over the swell of my baby bump, I fondly looked at it.

"Hi there peanut. Your Papa's being a real pain in the arse, you know. I want him back here with us so that he can see you, even is you aren't born yet. I... I don't want him to miss out like with what happened with Carter."

A tired sigh left my lips.

"I uhm... I really can't wait to see you, you know. I love you so much already, and Papa does to he just... he just has a funny way of saying it, you know?"

I expected the usual silence to answer me, however, something unexpected happened.

There was a slight nudge against my hand as there was a slight almost tickling sensation within my stomach. From previous experiences, I knew exactly what it was, and almost immediately bursted into tears.

The baby had kicked.

Quickly pulling out my cell phone, I searched for Harry's name in my contacts. With quivering fingers, I began to text out a simple six worded message.

'The baby kicked today just now. xxx' Without rereading, and without second thoughts, I sent the text.

My phone vibrates with a text message, but when I saw that it was Zayn instead of Harry, I frowned slightly, but read Zayn's text.

'Look at Kyle and Lily, they just got done with burying each other in sand,' attached to the text was a picture of Lily and Kyle completely covered from head to toe in the grainy damp sand. A large goofy grin lightened both their faces.

I grinned despite the bit of jealousy I felt since I wasn't able to actually be there myself to see their huge grins. However, I was glad that they were able to have any fun at all, so the jealousy instantly disappeared at that thought.

As long as they were happy, I was happy too.

***

Throughout the rest of the day, Zayn sent m over thirty texts, all with pictures of Lily and Kyle.

My absolute favorite one was when Lily and Kyle were sitting near the shoreline with their backs towards Zayn, a bit of sand was still visible on their tanned skin.

***

That night after Lily and Kyle were asleep, Zayn and I were out on the balcony.

"So, how are you holding up?" Zayn asked as he stared out at the city.

"I miss him," I admitted quietly, resting my forearms on the rail. "And... I'm confused still. I don't get why he doesn't love me anymore I..." I trailed off and shook my head.

"I know you miss him, Lou. We all do but-"

I cut him off, shaking my head, "I don't want to talk about this at all right now, Zayn. I want to be happy right now. The baby kicked today, you know."

His brown eyes looked over at me in surprise, "and you're just now telling me this?"

"Yeah well... I wanted Harry to be the first to know. I was gonna tell you once he answered my text, but he didn't answer it so... you know..." I shrugged.

He didn't answer, because he knew just like I do.

"I still love him, you know," I murmured for absolutely no reason.

"I know," Zayn said. Leaning in, he lightly pecked my cheek, although it lingered a bit longer than needed, "we all know."

***

That night in bed when I went through to see if I had any new texts, I saw that Harry still hadn't responded to my text.

That night, instead of ignoring my silent sobs, Zayn turned to face me, and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly. When he did, I didn't protest.

That night, I needed someone, and Zayn was there, and I know that he always will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So what did you guys think? Yes, I am up late once again to finish this because I love you people, and I'm nice... well sort of. But anyways, love you guys, see you later!


	9. Logic Over Hope

(Harry's p.o.v.)

It is yet another morning that I wake up without Louis' small pregnant body against mine, in my arms.

It is yet another morning that I wake up that I can't hear Lily and Kyle's soft bickering amongst each other.

It is yet another morning that I wake up that I can't hear Louis' soft snores.

It is yet another morning that I wake up and I can't place my hands over Louis' baby bump to see how they contrast in size.

Instead, I had to wake up to a cold white empty bed without Louis, Lily, Kyle, or Peanut. The air was empty, and noiseless, filled with nothing but dust and my own breathing.

'It's not supposed to be a permanent thing,' I repeated in my head over and over again in a mantra. Me leaving Louis and my family isn't supposed to last forever, although after what I said to Louis, I wouldn't be surprised if it is now. It's not like he still loves me anyways.

At first I was only going to stay until I found a cure for what I have. Once I found the cure, I was going to go home.

However, there is a twist.

There is no permanent cure for what I have.

Let me start from the beginning before I continue on, however.

It started a few months ago when I started to cough a lot more than I usually do. At first I just brushed it off as a cold or something like that.

The coughing became more persistent after a couple weeks, and it became so painful. It wasn't nothing when I started coughing up blood.

I was able to hide it from Louis, but I couldn't hide all the doctor visits.

But it was okay, because Louis didn't question them.

The first visit, the doctor had given me pills to take to try and get rid of my coughing. The pills didn't work, and only made me puke.

I went back to the doctors when I started to have breathing problems.

The very first question this doctor asked was 'do you smoke, and if so, how often?'

After that question, there was a sinking feeling in my stomach, and I just knew that something like this was going to happen, I just knew it.

I had to schedule both a CT scan and an X-Ray.

The X-Ray came first, but there was not definite result then, so I still had hope. Still had hope that I was going to be okay.

Next came the CT scan.

After the CT scan, my hope was crushed when I was diagnosed with non-small cell lung cancer.

That night, I was scared to say 'I love you' back to Louis.

I knew that, that was going to be the last time I'd see him for a long while. Louis said it himself three years ago when Kyle had a high chance of having cancer, 'It'll be too hard to love someone with cancer again Harry, I'm afraid that I'll lose them.' 

Since Louis' pregnant, I didn't want to put any unnecessary stress on him.

I didn't, and still don't, want Louis to think that he's going to lose me, because he's really not.

While my cancer is still in the early stages, it is still just as dangerous.

After what happened with Carter, and even Kyle, I didn't want Louis to worry or be scared, the same goes for Lily and Kyle.

Even though Lily has matured over the years into Louis and I's princess, she gets scared too.

I've seen it a lot actually, unfortunately.

When she does get scared, though, she comes to me, which still amazes me. I wonder if she talks to Louis about her problems, I wonder if he tells her that it's okay to be afraid.

Yesterday when I got a text message from Louis about the baby kicking, my heart skipped a beat, and I almost texted him back, but I didn't.

I was the first to feel Lily and Kyle kick, my heart had clenched in sadness when I thought of Louis feeling the baby's first kick when I wasn't there.

I almost wanted to go back to him right then and there, almost.

But I hadn't, because I knew that Louis would still be upset with me, I know that I would be if I were him. Anyone could have seen the hurt in his eyes when I rejected him.

While I didn't officially break it off with him, I probably acted more harsh than necessary.

"It doesn't matter anyways," I mumble out loud to myself.

I guess that this is what I deserve after what happened with Carter.

It's better for me to not tell Louis, and save him from all the pain than to tell him and have to deal with him being worried, and stressed, and possibly losing the baby.

It's only logical that I don't tell him, and save us both from unneeded emotional pain.

Logic sucks, but it is for the best.

Logic says that I'm not ever going to get better, but hope says otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: How was that? Anyone mind blown? This is yet another late night chapter because I really have nothing better in life to do at the moment. I'm so sorry that it's so short!


	10. Now More Than Ever

(Louis' p.o.v.)

I sighed as I folded one of my larger T-Shirts, and carefully placed it into my suitcase.

We are supposed to be leaving America tomorrow, but I decided to start packing now anyways so I don't have to tonight.

There was a slight tug on my shirt, and I looked down to see wide tear filled blue eyes that belonged to Kyle.

"D-Daddy?" he sniffled quietly.

"Aw what's wrong, Ky?" I asked him while sitting on the bed, and carefully lifted him onto my lap. Kyle buried his head in my chest, and started sobbing. I shushed him quietly while enveloping him completely in my arms.

Lily was watching us silently and tiredly from the doorway.

After a few minutes of Kyle sobbing, and me attempting to soothe him, he finally quieted down enough to respond to my question.

"P-please t-tell m-me that- that Lily's l-lying, D-Daddy, p-please," Kyle looked up at me with begging eyes as he sniffled.

I looked up to look at Lily, but she had walked away before I could say anything.

"What did Lily say, Ky?" I asked carefully.

"Sh-she said-d th-that Papa's n-not ever coming b-back." Kyle bursted into more tears.

"Sh, that's not entirely true, Hon, Papa is coming back, just not today. I promise that he will come back. Did she say anything else?" I asked while wiping away any of his stray tears with my thumb.

Kyle nodded, "Lily said that- that P-Papa d-doesn't... doesn't l-love u-us anym-more." This time he had managed to keep his voice even, but I was still able to hear the hurt in his voice rolling off in thick waves.

"That's not true, Papa will always love you, Lily, and I. Do you know the first thing your Papa always says to you all when he first finds out that I'm pregnant?"

He shook his head, "n-no. What d-does he say?"

"He'd always say 'I love you already, Darling. I promise that I'll always be with you'. He said it with Lily, he said it with you, and he even said it to Peanut. He may not be here with us right at this moment, be we are still connected through love. We are a family after all." I smiled a bit.

Kyle managed a small grin while putting a small hand over my tummy, and changed the subject, "can Peanut hear us right now?"

I thought a bit before answering, "yeah, I think Peanut can hear us right about now. Do you want to talk to the baby right now?"

Instead of answering, he cleared his throat and began talking, "hi Peanut. I just wanted to tell you that I love you too. Everyone here loves you very much. We can't wait to see you either, I'm so excited to not be the youngest anymore. But because you're going to be the youngest, Lily and I will both look after you our very best."

There was the same tickling sensation that I had felt yesterday in my stomach, and Kyle gasped, his face was excited. "Daddy Peanut kicked me!"

Before I could say anything, Kyle ran into the other room yelling as loud as he possibly could, "Peanut kicked my hand! Hey everyone! Peanut kicked my hand!"

***

"Z, I am going to take Lily and Kyle out for lunch, okay?" I confirmed.

Zayn raised an eyebrow, "you really shouldn't go out there alone, Lou. You're four months pregnant, and you can't risk-"

"Calm yourself, Zayn. All I'm doing is going out for lunch with my kids. It's only fair since I barely got to spend any time with them yesterday." I crossed my arms, and nearly glared at him.

He sighed, "fine, just don't get hurt or anything. Make sure you text me lots though."

"Don't worry Z, I will," I quickly hugged him around the torso before calling Lily and Kyle over. "Put your shoes on you two, we're going to eat out today."

Lily's eyes lit up, and Kyle cheered in sheer excitement.

***

Half an hour later, we were sitting in a random Mexican restaurant since Lily practically begged for Mexican food.

Who was I to deny her.

When the waiter walked away from our table after giving us our drinks, Lily cleared her throat, "Daddy, I have a question, how do two boys have sex? I mean you and Papa had to have done it to make us, and Peanut."

"Lily... I'll tell you that later, but we don't talk about those kind of things in public, or in front of Kyle," I managed to answer evenly.

Kyle looked confused, "what's... sex?"

I swear that everyone in the restaurant turned to look at our table, I can only begin to imagine what's going through their minds.

Lily smirked before bragging, "you're not allowed to know, because you're too young."

Huffing, Kyle crossed his arms and pouted, so I quickly changed the subject. "Do you two see anything that you like on the menu?"

After looking over the menu once with Kyle, Lily frowned, "I don't know what I want, and I can't even pronounce half the things on this menu."

"I can't read it at all," Kyle whined.

I sighed, "okay, do you want tacos? Every Mexican restaurant has to have tacos."

Lily looked deep in thought when she answered, "yeah, I guess that I can have tacos... but I don't want any sour cream, it's horrible."

"I don't want tacos," Kyle answered stubbornly.

"Then how about-."

The waiter decided to come back, and cut me off mid-sentence. "Do you know what you'd like to order?"

Sitting up straight in attempts to make her look more 'grown- up' Lily responded. "I would like three tacos without any sour cream," she thought a moment before adding on a 'please' at the end.

"And you sir?" The waiter asked Kyle, but Kyle shrugged.

"What's good here?" He asked.

The waiter didn't hesitate before naming the super long name of some type of food that sounded Mexican enough.

"I guess I'll take that then," Kyle answered.

"I'll take the largest nachos you have." I said before he could ask.

Well, it turns out that whatever the waiter gave to Kyle was super spicy, and Kyle's 'tongue nearly burned off', as he put it.

With sympathetic eyes, Lily offered Kyle one of her tacos. "Three's way too much for me anyways, go ahead and have it."

He mumbled a thank you before he began to cautiously eat.

***

That night when I tucked Lily and Kyle into their shared bed, Lily spoke up, "I'm sorry about what I said to you this morning, Kyle."

"It's okay," Kyle answered while holding out his pinkie. "Pinkie promise not to do it again?"

Lily hooked her slender pinkie with Kyle's, "pinkie promise."

I smiled a genuine smile, "don't keep each other up, we have to leave early tomorrow morning. Goodnight, love you both so much."

"Wait Daddy, can you tell us a story?" Lily asked, but bit her lip afterwards as if regretting have asked the question.

Carefully, I sat at the foot of their bed, "of course. It may not be as good as your Papa's stories, but it's something. Do you have any requests?"

"Can you... can you tell us the story of how you and Papa met?"

I sighed, trying to remember exactly how it went, "well you see... your Papa and I are soldiers. We fight for what we believe in, equal love. But you see, my Mummy wasn't very nice to me, because she didn't support what I believed in."

I paused for effect, "One day, your Papa and I met, and we made Carter, but we got separated. My Mummy kicked me out, and I had to live all alone one the streets. However, three years later, Papa and I met again, but under horrible circumstances. We had both found out that Carter had leukemia. I had to beg you Papa to let us stay with him, and he agreed. Everything was going fine, Carter was getting better. Everything was okay, but then one night your Papa and I had made a huge mistake."

First I cleared my throat before continuing. "Your Papa kicked both Carter and I out. Carter got worse in a matter of days, and ended up dying. However, Papa was by my side the entire time, and we were just there for each other, because we had love. In fact, that's how you two, and Peanut came to be, because we fought for love." I ended.

"Daddy-" Lily's question was cut off by a yawn. "Are you and Papa still fighting for love?"

"Yes Hon, and the battle is its fiercest now more than ever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So how'd you guys like it!? I liked the ending a lot. I hope that you guys enjoyed the chapter because I literally spent all day on it!


	11. Battle Scars

I woke up to the sound of Kyle sobbing loudly.

Carefully rolling out of bed, I rushed to Kyle's room, and was immediately met with the putrid stench of vomit.

"It- w-was a-an accid-dent, I-I d-didn't m-mean to," Kyle sobbed. I'm guessing that he had puked sometime in the night, because is was all over his bed.

"It's okay Ky, everyone does it every once in awhile," I said calmly, holding back a yawn. Picking up his shaking form in my arms, I carried him to the bathroom.

Since I've had to deal with a lot of puke these past few years, I was practically immune to the horrible stench of it by now.

While I helped Kyle stand, I undressed his pale form, whispering soothing words to help him calm down some. Once he was undressed, I ran him a bath, and stepped into the hallway to place his soiled clothes into the wash.

When I came back, Kyle had stopped crying, and was now sniffling quietly instead. "M-M'sorry th-that I puked ev-vrywhere."

"It's okay Hon, everyone pukes, it's not your fault that you couldn't make it to the bathroom," I shushed him. "Now how about you get in the tub and wash up, then I'll be right back with your spaceship pajamas, okay?"

All I got in reply was a small nod.

Quickly I made my way to Kyle's room, grabbed his spaceship pajamas out of his drawer as promised, and went back to the bathroom.

"How are you feeling Hon?" I asked him while carefully studying him.

"Tired, and my tummy hurts," he yawned as if to prove his point.

I slowly nodded, "okay. You probably won't be going to school tomorrow, but we'll see how you are feeling in the morning."

"Is Lily going to have to go to school alone tomorrow?" Kyle asked with wide eyes.

"Unfortunately yes, but she's a big girl, I'm pretty sure she can handle herself, Hon," I answered almost hesitantly.

He didn't answer, and instead lifted his arms signaling for me to lift him up, but I could see the sadness behind his blue eyes. Letting the water out of the tub, I wrapped him in a fluffy towel, and picked him up. Setting him down on the seat of the toilet, I proceeded to dry him off.

An adorable yawn passed his lips, and I pecked the top of his head. Discarding the towel, I helped him into his pajamas. When I picked him up, he buried his face in my neck, and almost immediately I could hear his soft breathing, and feel it against my skin.

The moment I stepped out into the hallway, I nearly collided with a tired bleary- eyed Zayn.

"What happened?" He whispered so that he didn't wake Kyle.

"Kyle puked, it got all over him," I answered sleepily myself.

His dark eyes glanced towards Kyle's room, "I'll clean anything that got on his bed."

I raised an eyebrow of skepticism, knowing from since we were young that Zayn absolutely hated puke, "really?"

"Of course I will." Zayn answered with a shrug, "you have to get to sleep anyways. You're the pregnant one, not me."

"Fine, if you insist then. Thanks Zayn, good night," I pulled him into a one armed hug.

Carefully, he returned the hug by wrapping his arms around my torso. Pecking my forehead, he leaned in to whisper in my ear, "good night Lou, sleep well."

After pulling away from Zayn's embrace, I sent him a small tired grin before heading off to my room. Laying in my too- large bed, I hugged Kyle's sleeping form close to me, and pulled the covers over the both of us.

***

'I don't know what's wrong with me Z, I just don't like girls,' I confessed as I leaned against his shoulder, slightly swinging my legs.

'Nothing's wrong with you at all Lou, you can't help who you fall in love with, you can only help who you end up with.' Zayn answered, an arm casually slung around my shoulder.

'But Z, I can't end up with anyone if no one will love me,' I answered while studying a bird that had landed inside the treehouse. When I reached out to touch it, it instantly flew out the crooked window.

'Well I love you, don't I?' Zayn asked.

I hesitated on my response, 'well yeah, but that's different, Z, you're my bestfriend.'

'But would it really be that much different?' He asked while staring into my eyes.

'No,' I whispered in answer. 'But do you promise that if I end up alone then we will be together?'

He nodded, 'of course, Lou. I promise.'

As if to seal the promise, Zayn leaned in and pressed his lips to mine in a kiss, and I kissed back, knowing that everything was going to be okay.

Little did I know how wrong I had been all those years ago.

***

Instead of waking up to the feeling of nausea, I woke up to silence, complete and utter sillence, and another warm sweaty body in my arms.

Quietly, I got out of bed so that I didn't wake Kyle.

Pressing the back of my hand to his forehead, I came to the conclusion that Kyle had a fever. I left a small peck on his forehead in attempts to not wake him. However, my attempts were in vain as Kyle shifted, and he opened his eyes a crack.

"Daddy, where are you going?" He yawned in question.

Shushing him, I wiped away his sweaty fringe from his forehead. "I'm just going downstairs to get breakfast ready. Go back to sleep Hon, I'll wake you when it's breakfast time."

Without answering, he shut his eyes once again, and cuddled into my pillow while clutching the blankets close to his chin. In barely seconds the room was filled with his soft breathing.

I managed to walk out my room without waking Kyle up again, and walked downstairs. Already I knew that Lily had left to go to school, otherwise she would have been up and about by now.

On the table there was a note, I recognized the handwriting as Zayn's almost immedietly. Next to it was a mug filled with now cold tea.

'Morning Lou,

I hope that you and Kyle are okay.

Lily already left for school, so don't worry she didn't get kidnapped or anything. Perry has to go into the recording studio today, and I have to go into the tattoo parlor.

Sorry if I don't check up on you, I'm booked entirely today, but I'll see what I can do.

Your tea is on the table, as you probably already saw, but by the time you wake up it'll probably be freezing cold.

Kyle's bedding is washed, and on the bed, so don't worry about it.

Don't work too hard.

Love,

Zayn'

Picking up my mug of cold tea, I put it in the microwave to heat it up, and took out the needed ingredients for soup.

By the time I was setting the table, I heard Kyle's footsteps walk down the creeky stairs. With the blanket wrapped around him like a cape, Kyle sat at the table, pale and shivering slightly.

Convincing myself that he was going to be okay, I sat at the table as well, placing our bowls of soup on the table.

"Daddy?" Kyle asked as he messily slurped a spoonful of soup before placing the spoon back in his bowl. "Where are your scars from?" He poked at one of the scars on my wrist.

I thought a bit before answering, "they're battle scars, Ky."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Okay, so I decided to end it there, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to finish this tonight. But anyways, I'll try to update soon since I don't have school on Monday and Friday. I hope that this was an interesting chapter! Love you all, see you later!


	12. Goodbyes Aren't For Forever

'Hey Ni, how's Ryan doing?' I texted to Niall.

'He's growing in a couple of new teeth, so he's, fussing a lot. How are the kids?' Niall texted back almost immediately.

'Kyle was sick yesterday, but Lily and Peanut are good.'

'Cool! Are you gonna find out Peanut's gender soon?'

'Yeah, I'm going to find out the day after tomorrow, actually. Z's supposed to be coming with me so that I'm not alone.'

'Awesome sauce! Peanut better be a girl or else. I wanna dress her up in little princess dresses like I got to do to Lily when she was little.'

I chuckled a bit, 'Peanut can't help their gender. But you'll love the baby either way.'

Niall's next response took a few minutes. 'You bet! Shit I've gotta go! Ryan's getting into the peanut butter again!'

'Send me pictures! Bye- bye!'

Rolling my eyes I got up, and walked to Kyle's room. Quietly, I sat on the edge of his bed, and carefully rubbed his side in attempts to wake him up.

"Come on Ky, wake up a moment, please?" Groaning, he shifted and mumbled something that I wasn't able to understand. "I'll make bacon if you do," I added.

"Okay fine," he grumbled, eyes still closed.

I cleared my throat in order to stifle a chuckle, "how are you feeling right now?"

He didn't answer for awhile, and for a few moments I thought that he had fallen completely back asleep. "Maybe I'll feel better if you'd let me sleep a bit longer," he finally mumbled.

"Okay, go ahead, but you won't go to school today if you go back to sleep," I explained, but Kyle's breathing had already evened out as he fell asleep.

***

Nearly twenty minutes later, I stood over a stove frying bacon, when I heard light footsteps walking downstairs.

Instantly, I identified them as Lily's.

When Lily sat at the table, something about her was off. She didn't greet me as she does every morning, instead she sighed and put her head into her arms.

Cutting the stove off, I placed the rest of the bacon on a plate that already had some bacon on it, then stood next to Lily's chair.

"What's wrong?" I asked carefully while parting her hair to start a braid.

She didn't answer, instead sitting up so that I could braid her hair easier.

"Do you remember how Uncle Niall and I would dress you up all the time when you were little? You would look like a little princess."

"Daddy, I'm not in the mood. I hated those dresses anyways," Lily crossed her arms.

"I know you did, your Papa hated them too. Do you remember what he would say in your defense that made us stop putting you in those dresses?"

"Hm?" she asked, starting to take some interest as she began to chew on a piece of bacon.

I chuckled as I began braiding her dark hair into one long braid. "He said that you are a princess when you are just yourself. Then he threw a quote at me from 'A Little Princess' 'All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses.' The same goes for you, Lily."

She kept silent as she chewed her bacon, and I cleared my throat awkwardly, "just wanted you to know that."

"I miss him," I caught her whisper quietly.

***

"But Daddy, I wanna go to school!" Kyle protested with crossed arms for the fifth time now, and small bits of left over bacon around his mouth.

"Hon, you just got over being sick, you wouldn't want to get the other kids sick, now would you? And please talk quieter, Uncle Zayn's sleeping still," I tried explaining.

Pouting, Kyle ignored what I said, and yelled even louder. "YOU don't understand! I HAVE to go to school!"

Usually, I'm not one to raise my voice, but Kyle was really pushing me to my limit. "KYLE, JUST SHUT UP!" I immediately regretted my words, wishing that I could have swallowed them back up.

When I opened my mouth to try and apologize, he was already gone upstairs, slamming his door shut.

Plopping onto the couch, I buried my head into my hands.

Complete silence filled the room until I was able to hear the faint tap of keys, and a sweet, yet sad melody drifted down the stairs.

Instantly, I knew that Kyle was playing his piano.

I could already feel the tears brimming my eyes, but I furiously blinked them back.

Kyle hasn't played his piano since it reminds him of Harry.

Zayn quietly walked downstairs, and sat next to me.

"He's playing," I whispered.

"I know," came his response.

"I yelled at him," I continued.

"I heard," he answers, stifling a yawn.

"It's my fault," I said quietly.

"No it's not."

It was silent after Zayn's last statement, but neither of us bothered to break it, listening intently to the faint notes that Kyle was playing.

After hours of Kyle's anger and sorrow filled songs, silence fell on the house. With assistance of Zayn, I got up to talk to Kyle.

Carefully walking up the stairs, I opened Kyle's bedroom door to find Kyle red faced, and teary eyed, hands slightly shaking, as he sat on his piano bench.

I wrapped my arm around him as I sat next to him.

"I'm sorry," I apologized tiredly.

"It's okay. Sorry for yelling at you." Kyle said guiltily

"I don't know when he's coming back," I confessed, changing the subject.

"I don't think Papa knows either." He said honestly, sounding tired himself.

***

Lily sat at the couch doing homework, and Zayn was busy entertaining Kyle.

There was knock at the door, and like it was a routine, Zayn helped me up. After I thanked him, I stepped over various toys that belonged to Kyle, to get to the door.

"LOU LOU!!!" Niall yelled at the top of his lungs the moment I opened the door, and carefully pulled me into a bear hug.

Liam shook his head, as he carried in a baby carrier, "Niall be careful. Hi Louis."

"Hey you two, what are you guys doing here?"

With a raised eyebrow, Liam looked at Niall, "Niall, I thought you said that he was okay with us being here."

"And he is," Niall said with a shrug.

Lily, and Kyle rushed over to Liam and Niall. "Hi Uncle Liam, hi uncle Niall, did you bring baby Ryan?" They asked in unison.

Liam chuckled, "of course we did." Carefully he set the baby carrier down on the couch, and revealed Ryan.

Cooing, Lily and Kyle began talking to Ryan, which resulted in him giggling, and excitedly kicking his legs.

I watched enviously as Liam pecked Niall on the cheek, wrapping his arm around Niall's waist. Niall grinned happily, and pecked Liam back on the cheek. A lump formed in my throat, as I wished that Harry was still here to peck my cheek, and wrap his arms around me, and to hug me.

I just wanted to be happy.

When Liam was distracted, Niall poked my arm, and motioned me to follow him to the kitchen.

We managed to sneak out of the room and into the kitchen without anyone seeing us.

"So spill, how was America? Did you see Harry?"

"Well..." I bit my lip as I began to slowly retell what had happened in Los Angelos. Niall's eyes widened so much that I thought that his eyes would fall out of their sockets. By the end, his eyes held nothing but sadness.

"Oh Lou, I'm so sorry that happened to you," he said. "I would offer to take you out clubbing, but I know you're not allowed to since you are pregnant and all."

I sighed, "I wouldn't go out anyways, I have to set a good example for Lily and Kyle. Besides, you know I still can't drink that much."

"I know, I know. How are you feeling?" Niall asked, changing the subject.

"Like Harry and I said our final goodbyes," I murmured.

"Goodbyes aren't forever, Lou. They just mean that you'll miss each other until you two meet again," Niall answered.

I contemplated my answer, and my heart clenched uncomfortably as I came to a realization, and quietly answered, "you're not just talking about Harry, are you?"

"No. You and I both know who we're talking about." Niall answered, equally as quiet, "I really miss that kid."

"I dream about him all the time, but I've been dreaming about him a lot recently," I confessed, looking at the kitchen tiles. "I miss him a lot."

"I know Lou, we all do."

The rest of our time in the kitchen was spent by discussing memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hi! Yes, I'm updating, and yes I am aware that it's half an hour past Wednseday, but I'm still updating! I hope you like it! There will be more drama in the next chapter, I promise!


	13. Past Horrors

Just when I thought that the morning sickness was long gone, I had to go and throw up this morning. It was so brutal that I allowed Zayn to hold me afterwards.

After Kyle and Lily left for school, and Zayn left for work, I took out my guitar.

I remember when Harry bought it for me all those years ago after I had smashed my old one.

Sometimes I find myself regretting that I had smashed it in the first place, but deep down I know that if I still had it, then I wouldn't be able to even look at it. If I did, then I would probably cry.

It was the same guitar that Carter would have to protect at night.

It was the same guitar that I would play to get Carter to sleep.

It was the same guitar that I would play to get money.

It was the same guitar that Carter and I's life would depend on.

The guitar just held too many memories, so I probably would have ended up smashing it anyways.

Sighing, I began to strum a few familiar chords, watching as my fingers glided against the fret board, struggling a bit to reach a few notes.

I couldn't help it as I began to hum along with the notes, which soon morphed into a song that I knew all too well.

"I miss you, miss you so bad

I don't forget you, oh it's so sad.

I hope you can hear me, I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away, was the day I found it won't be the same," pausing to wipe away a stray tear, I then continued.

"I didn't get around to kiss you goodbye on the hand, I wish that I could see you again, I know that I can't. I hope you can hear me, 'cause I remember it clearly.

The that you slipped away, was the day I found it won't be the same.

I've had my wake up, won't you wake up. I keep asking why?

And I can't take it, it wasn't fake it.

It happened, you passed by.

Now you're gone, now you're gone.

There you go, there you go somewhere I can't bring you back .

Now you're gone, you're gone.

There you go, there you go, somewhere you're not coming back

The that you slipped away, was the day I found it won't be the same."

Outside it began to rain, thunder roared, then lightening pierced the sky. Getting up, I put away my guitar.

As the thunder struck, something turned in my stomach, and I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that something was going to happen.

***

I was right about that something.

It's nearly five, and Lily and Kyle still haven't come home yet, and neither of them would answer their mobiles.

The latest they've ever came home was four twenty.

Zayn doesn't get here until around five thirty.

Sighing, I began going over different scenarios in my head.

I sighed in relief as I heard a knock at the door. Quickly unlocking and opening it, I nearly passed out at the sight before me.

Lily had a bloody nose, black eye, split lip, and various other bruises on her arms. Kyle, fortunately for me, was unharmed, but had unshed tears in his eyes. Both of them were soaked from the rain.

My eyes widened, "Lily, are you okay?"

I quickly led them inside, shutting the door behind us.

She sniffled and shook her head.

"What happened?" I asked carefully, not wanting to upset her or anything.

"W-well I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to tell anyone," she whispered, glancing at Kyle. "And also can K-Kyle go away, please? He doesn't need to know everything."

I looked over towards Kyle, motioning him to go upstairs. Hesitantly, he listened, walking up the stairs.

Lily sat on the couch, and I sat beside her, carefully wrapping her in my arms, scared that I would somehow hurt her.

"It started wh-when we g-got a new kid in school. I-I tried making fr-friends with him, but all he did was be mean to me. D-daddy, he started bullying me f-for no reason. At first he'd j-just call me and Kyle n-names, but then he started threatening K-Kyle, so I h-had to st-stand up for him, and pr-otect him. He would hit me or kick me sometimes, but n-not often. B-but t-today he was mad since K-Kyle wasn't there th-the past two d-days, so he threatened t-to beat Kyle u-up. B-but, I l-let him b-beat m-me up instead." Lily finished sadly. "I'm s-sorry for n-not telling y-you sooner. I t-told P-Papa, but then h-he l-left a-and-"

I shushed her, "it's okay Lily, I understand. I was bullied all through out high school, so I feel your pain, princess. I know how it feels, and I also know how hard it is, but you will make it through this, just like I did. Don't listen to anything that he has to say, because it's not true, okay?"

She sniffled, "okay."

"Can you tell me his name at least?" I asked her.

Hesitating a moment she answered, "Damien Craig."

"Okay, come on, hon. Let's get you cleaned up."

***

With shaky fingers, I dialed Kyle and Lily's school.

"Hello, how may I help you?" asked the voice of a woman. 

"Hello, I'm Louis Tomlinson, the father of both Lily, and Kyle Styles. Damian Craig has been bullying Lily, and threatening them both." I said.

"I apologize that's happening, Mr. Tomlinson. I assure you that he'll get suspended. You aren't the first parent to complain about him."

I sighed in relief, "thank you so much."

"My pleasure, Mr. Tomlinson."

***

I heard the doorbell go off the next day.

Frowning, I went to answer it. When I did, I was met with the gruesome sight of Lily badly beaten up. There was blood everywhere, its source were deep gashes in her shoulder, neck, and forehead.

Swallowing a scream, I caught her just as her feet gave out.

Quickly, I rushed her pale form inside, "Lily, what happened!?"

She coughed, and gurgled out weakly, "D-Daddy." Blood trickled from her mouth down her chin.

"Just stay awake, please hon just please stay awake," I pleaded. I was able to feel the tears threatening to spill over.

Grabbing the house phone, I dialed 999, "I need an ambu-"

Before I could even finish my sentence, I heard someone's annoying voice, "I'm sorry, but your call cannot be completed as dialed please-" I quickly pressed the end button, quickly redialing, only to end up with the same results.

Throwing the phone against the wall, I returned to Lily's side, "Lily everything's going to be okay hon just please stay awake."

I looked into her green eyes, very briefly I saw Carter's green eyes instead of Lily's.

I watched as the life slowly drained from them, and there was nothing that I could do but be there.

When Lily stopped breathing, I broke into hysterical sobs. "N-no! N-not m-my baby! Pl-please no! Lily please d-don't do this t-to m-me!" I yelled as if it would make a difference.

Deep down I knew that nothing would bring back my second child.

***

I woke up sobbing in the middle of the night.

Quickly getting out of bed, I hurried out into the hallway, opening the door to Lily's room, heart in my throat.

Sighing in relief when I saw that she was still in bed, breathing, and more importantly, still alive. Quietly closing the door, I went back to Harry and I's room.

"Still alive," I whispered to myself, a smile on my face. "She's still alive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: HIHI! I hope That you all liked it!


	14. Safe

The next time when I woke up, the sun was glaring at me from behind the closed curtains. Groaning, I carefully rolled out of bed, and almost immediately I heard my phone go off.

I picked up my phone in hopes that it was Harry texting me. However, my hopes deflated as I saw that it was only a reminder for me. Reminder: sonogram is today at 10:30.

Sighing, I looked at the time, which read 9:30. It's way too early to be up right now.

Walking downstairs, I made my way to the kitchen. I wasn't really surprised when I saw Zayn making my tea, his back to me. To aware Zayn of my presence, I cleared my throat.

He jumped and quickly turned around, "gosh Lou you scared the shit out of me!" Dramatically he placed a hand over his heart.

"Seriously?" I raised an eyebrow.

"No not really," he snorted, while removing the teabag from my tea. "I heard you come downstairs. Your tea's ready, by the way." Carefully he handed my my steaming hot tea.

Thanking him, I blew on it, then took a small sip.

***

It didn't take long for me to get ready considering that I was pretty damn tired.

It also didn't take long before I was sitting in a waiting room with Zayn next to me, practically buzzing with energy, which is quite un- Zayn like.

"Do you think the baby's a boy?" he asked me for the tenth time.

I shrugged, which was pretty much the same answer I had given him the last nine times he asked.

"Do you think the baby's a girl? Are you and Niall going to dress her up like you used to do with Lily?" He asked.

A grunt left my lips, neither confirming, nor denying his question.

"I'll let you and Niall figure that out later then..." he trailed off, then cleared his throat. "What gender do you want the baby to be?" Zayn asked.

"To be honest, I really don't care about the gender, as long as the baby is alive and healthy, the gender doesn't matter. I'll still love the baby no matter the gender."

"Of course you will Louis, but everyone has their preference," Zayn shrugged to mock me.

"Well Harry wanted a girl," I said quietly as I fondly rested my hands over the growing swell of my baby bump.

Somehow, Zayn's voice changed into one that was softer, "I know, but I did ask what you want."

"I-" almost immediately after I got the word out, I was cut off by my doctor, Naomi, calling my name.

"Louis Tomlinson?"

Getting up, Zayn held out his hand to help me up as well. Taking the outstretched hand, he carefully pulled me onto my achy feet.

"Just follow me," she smiled politely as she began leading us down a hallway, giving Zayn and I no choice but to follow after.

Opening the usual door, the doctor held it open for us. Once we were in, and I was properly situated on the examine bed immediately she began to question me.

"How are you feeling today, Louis?"

"Okay," I answered. "My feet are starting to hurt though."

She chuckled, "yeah that'll start happening. Will you lift your shirt up for me please?" Without another word, I revealed my rather large baby bump. As soon as the doctor saw it, her brow knitted together in a frown, and she carefully began prodding my stomach.

"Is something wrong with my baby?"

Quickly she shook her head, smiling a bit, "no, not so far at least. I'll do a sonogram to see how your baby's developing. After that I just need to take a blood sample from you for tests, then you're free to go."

In synchronization, Zayn and I both sighed in relief.

"Naomi, I have a question. Is it normal for my stomach to be this big?" I asked, concerned.

Naomi's eyes danced with humor as if she were keeping in a laugh. "Well if my theory correct, then you have nothing to be concerned about. This may be cold."

A cold gel like substance was squirted onto my stomach, as it always is. Zayn and I watched the screen, waiting for the baby's image to show up while Naomi started to gently press the wand against my stomach.

At first the image was dark, but it soon came to life, and on display were two defined white blobs. My brow furrowed, two? That's can't be right.

"Congratulations, Louis. You're pregnant with twins! Would you like to know the gender of them?" she asked me, sounding excited.

Wordlessly, with my eyes on the screen I nodded.

Naomi studied the image for a bit before speaking, "you've got two little girls in there. I bet Harry would be happy." She smiled sympathetically.

My eyes teared up at the mention of his name, a tear silently rolled down my cheek, and Zayn held my hand carefully, squeezing lightly. It suddenly hit me that Harry wasn't here, and Harry wouldn't get to see our twins' ultrasound, or the twins when they're born, or when they say their first words, or take their first steps.

He won't be here to love them, and they won't even know about their Papa.

"Can I have a picture of them please?" I whispered, sniffling a bit.

"Of course Louis, just a second." When Naomi walked out of the room, Zayn handed me a tissue, which I thankfully blew my nose with.

"Thanks Z," I mumbled.

"Welcome. Are you okay?" He asked, sounding slightly concerned.

I nodded just as Naomi came back with the sonogram pictures. Instead of handing them to me, however, she handed them to Zayn.

"First, I need to take a blood sample from you," Naomi answered my unasked question.

Rolling my eyes, I got into a sitting position.

***

Later that night, I tried calling Harry, but of course it went straight to voice mail again.

I cleared my throat before whispering into the phone, "just thought you'd like to know that we're having twin girls."

***

A week later, Lily walked into my room one evening as I was reading in bed, and she sat next to me. Something was different, she was happier, but of course I could be wrong.

Placing my bookmark back into the book, I then set my book on the nightstand. "Hey princess, what's up?" I wrapped my arm around her, and she leaned into me.

"Damien Craig was suspended last week, but he came back today-"

I cut her off confusedly with a frown, "I don't see how that's something to get so happy about."

"You didn't let me finish," she whined, surprising me a bit because Lily almost never whines. "Today, he apologized, but if I'm correct, he looked pretty damn scared of me!"

My eyes widened slightly, "language, Lily."

"Sorry Daddy, it's just that I'm so happy, because the bullying's finally over!" Lily answered, hugging me tightly.

I chuckled, hugging her back, "I'm really happy that it's over and you and Kyle are safe now."

"Me too," Lily whispered.

Just as Lily got those two words out, the doorbell rang. Sighing, I got up since Zayn wasn't here to open the door, "I'll be back, hon."

"Okay," she responded, and picked up the book that I had been reading earlier.

Carefully, I descended down the stairs. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, the doorbell rang again, more persistently this time.

Opening the door, my eyes widened in surprise as I saw who it was, because there he was, the love of my life on our porch, holding a small bag, dark circles were under his green eyes.

"H-Harry..." I whispered.

His eyes were determined as he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly, but carefully. "Hey Lou."

Burying my head in his neck, I breathed in his intoxicating scent. There was something different about how he smelled though, and it wasn't his cologne. Something was missing, and I instantly knew what it was.

"You stopped s-smoking," I whispered, not able to muster anything louder.

Harry froze for a moment, "I had to." His nose was buried in my hair, inhaling deeply.

"Why?" I cleared my throat.

Kissing the top of my head, Harry pulled away from the hug, holding me at arms length, and seemed to be mentally going over something.

Then the three words came out of his mouth that I thought I'd never hear again left his lips.

"I have cancer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I'm so so sorry for the long update! My week was horrible, my weekend was worse, so I wasn't feeling up to updating. I bruised my rib last week, and I'm super tired and sick right now, but I updated because I love you all! I hope that you enjoyed the chapter!


	15. Trust

"What!? Why the Hell did you leave then!? Y-You could've died and I wouldn't have even known Harry!" I yelled at him, despite the tears in my eyes.

"I left because I have cancer... I didn't... I didn't want to stress you out, or hurt you more than you already are. You said yourself that it'd be too hard for you to love someone with cancer again, because your afraid that you'll lose them. So you know," he shrugged. "I left so that you wouldn't have to lose me through death, if it did come to that."

I used my fingers to massage away my oncoming headache. "Harry, I love you, and you love me, this is something that we can work together to get through, as a family. We'll always be here for you, Haz. Are... is it terminal... the cancer?"

Harry shook his head, "no, it won't kill me... yet."

Before I knew what I was doing, I leaned in, crashing my lips onto his while burying my hands in his curly hair that I missed so much. Reflexively, he wrapped his arms around me and held me close. Our lips melded and moved together as if they were one. I couldn't help the bittersweet tears that began to cascade down my cheeks.

'He's here, he's really here,' my mind chanted, and I almost couldn't believe it.

Inside, I was hoping that this wasn't just another cruel dream, because I wouldn't be able to live if it were.

Pulling away from his lips, I still kept close enough to feel his warm breath against my own lips. " Hazza, I missed you so much, please don't do that again," I whispered.

"I know, I did too. I won't ever do that to you again," Harry murmured back.

"I was scared that I'd have to raise the kids on my own," I admitted.

"I wouldn't let you do that again," Harry answered, sounding guilty as he wiped away my tears with his thumb.

"I love you, Harry."

He lightly brushed his lips against mine, "I love you too Lou. I'm so sorry that I left." Getting down on his knees, Harry lifted up my shirt, laying a gentle lingering kiss right on the swell of my stomach. "Hey princesses, Papa's back, and I promise that I'll never leave you two again. Love you so much already."

The sweet moment was lost as Kyle and Lily ran downstairs, yelling in sync, "Papa!" They tackled Harry to the ground in a hug.

Chuckling, Harry hugged them close to his chest, mumbling into their hair, "I missed you two so much. More than you could ever imagine."

"Why did you have to leave then Papa?" Lily challenged, tears pricked her eyes.

"I... I didn't want to end up hurting you guys, but then I realized that I've hurt you all more than I would ever want to, because I never want to hurt you guys." Harry answered, then frowned as he examined Lily closer, "where's that bruise from?"

"Damien, he... he beat me up badly last week, but I'm okay now. He got suspended, and now he's leaving me alone," Lily answered.

"Oh my goodness, Daddy knows about this right?" Harry asked concerned.

Kyle answered instead, "yes, he does, and he got Damien suspended! He's even scared of us now."

Harry sighed in relief, "thank goodness. So what else did I miss since I've been gone?"

"My first period. Daddy taught me about sex." Lily said while grinning innocently, "I'm a young lady now."

His eyes widened in surprise, and Kyle cocked his head in confusion, "what's that?"

I answered before Harry could. "Something that you don't need to worry about."

***

"Lou, we'll have to tell the kids tomorrow about me having cancer," Harry said tiredly that night past the kids' bedtime.

I nodded agreeingly, leaning against his chest, equally as tired, "yes, they have to know as soon as possible."

There was another knock at the door, and I knew that it was Zayn, because no one else would knock on the door besides Lily and Kyle, and they're already here.

Before I could say anything, Harry was already getting up to open the door. Carefully getting up, I rushed over to the front door.

Zayn's eyes were wide with rage, "what the fuck are you doing here!?"

"I decided to come back," Harry answered slowly.

"That's not your decision to make, Styles," Zayn snapped. "Do you know how miserable Louis has been these past two months!?"

"Yes, because that's how I felt without him, though he was probably feeling worse."

"That's bullshit!" Zayn exploded, and balled his hands into fists.

"Z, please just calm down. Lily and Kyle are sleeping," I said calmly, hoping that he himself would calm down.

Sighing he passed a hand over his face, "fine, but I would at least like to know why the bastard left you in the first place. Lou it's not right that you can accept him back after the Hell that he put you through!"

"Zayn, once again, I can make my own decisions, so stop trying to make them for me. I'm pregnant and, not disabled in any way. I love Harry, and he loves me. There this thing that's called forgiveness, and that will come with time to heal. Despite the Hell that he put me through, that's over, and he's here now to support me now. It's my choice and decision on whether or not I accept him back, and I chose to accept him. Everyone deserves a second chance, Z. It's his choice on whether or not he wants to tell you why he left, that's not your decision either." 

Zayn's jaw clenched and unclenched several times before he sighed and spoke again, "sorry Lou, it's just that I don't want to see you hurt anymore."

"He won't hurt me Z, I trust him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hi! I updated again, and a lot sooner than I thought!


	16. Love is a Bond that Holds Families Together

I wake up unwillingly from my dream.

However, instead of being encompassed in a cold empty, I was engulfed in the warmth of Harry's strong arms. His chin was on top of my head, and his arms held me loosely, hands over my baby bump.

Last night wasn't a dream at all.

Groaning a bit, Harry mumbled out sleepily, "mornin' Boo." He placed a loving peck on my temple, and I carefully turned on my other side to face him.

"Good morning, Haz," I mumbled leaning in to peck him on the lips, however his hand held my head in place. Sloppily, his mouth moved against mine in a sleepy manner, and I kissed back, attempting to sync my lips with his own. When his tongue skirted across my bottom lip asking for entrance, I pulled away.

"Neither of us brushed our teeth yet," I explained, stifling a yawn into my hand.

"Mm... good point," he murmured, stroking a hand through my hair a couple of times before he moved it to cup my cheek. "How are you feeling this morning?" His other hand lightly rested on the swell of my baby bump.

"I'm okay, still tired, but I can nap after the kids go to school."

"No babe, you sleep now. I'll take care of the kids. You've had to go through enough already," Harry murmured, pecking me gently on the lips.

"M'kay sounds good to me," I answered, smiling sleepily.

"Okay. Love you Lou, sleep well," Harry said while getting up.

"Love you too Hazza," I answered automatically, pulling the blanket up to my chin, and tiredly closing my eyes.

***

The next time I woke up it was from a nightmare, but I could smell pancakes and bacon from downstairs, and I smiled. For once, it's nice to wake up to someone other than me cooking.

Stretching, I got out of bed, put on my bathrobe, and carefully walked downstairs. Quietly, I made my way into the kitchen, and hugged Harry from behind.

"Hello again, Boo. How'd you sleep?" Harry asked, placing his large hands over mine.

"Nightmares," I answered quietly.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked carefully.

I leaned my forehead in between his shoulder blades. "I guess there's no harm in it... It was about my mum. She kept yelling and throwing insults at me, just because I'm gay... and well it's more of a memory than anything."

He hummed, thinking. "Have you talked to your mum recently?"

I shook my head, "...not since Carter... if that even counts."

"Maybe you should... try talking to her again. She doesn't even know that you're pregnant again, and she probably doesn't know about Lily or Kyle either," Harry suggested lightly.

"Maybe...." I trailed off, then my stomach rumbled, and the smell of food made itself more prominent. I giggled slightly, "but after I eat."

Turning to face me, Harry chuckled, pecking me on the nose, "of course."

Once I was at least halfway through my plate, Harry spoke again, quieter this time, "how are the babies?"

I grinned slightly, placing a hand over my baby bump, "they're good, haven't done much kicking lately."

"Oh, maybe they're just shy, then. Do you... can I see their sonogram?" he asked quietly, almost hesitantly.

"Of course. The most recent one from last week is on the fridge, I can get it for you if you want," I answered, taking a bite out of my bacon.

He shook he head, getting up, "I've got it." Getting the sonogram, Harry then sat back next to me, his eyes lit up as he carefully traced the shape of each baby with his index finger. "Wow, I can't believe they can actually fit in there," he whispered, "they've gotten so big already."

"Yeah well two months isn't really a short amount of time, Harry," I mumbled, my voice was laced with hurt.

Harry sighed, "I know Lou, I'm sorry for not being here. I just... I really didn't want to hurt you, or force you to love someone to cancer, so the only way I could do that was by pushing you away."

"It's too late, Haz. I love you, and nothing can change that." I said, wiping away a lone tear that made its way down my cheek.

Hugging me tightly, and pulling me as close to him as he could, Harry kissed the top of my head, "shh, don't cry anymore babe. I love you too."

***

With shaky fingers, I dialed Lottie's number, the one number, besides Harry's, that I have actually memorized.

She picked up on the third ring, "Lou!"

Almost immediately my anxiety dissipated when I heard her cheerful voice, and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. "Hey Lottie how are you and everyone else doing?"

"I'm okay, trying to get into college. Fiz is starting to take riding lessons, and the twins keep playing pranks on us. Mum's pregnant again, and everyone's excited." Lottie said animatedly, voice filled with excitement. "Speaking of, so you know the gender of the baby yet?"

"Babies, actually, Lot. I'm having two girls," I answered, grinning.

"Oh my goodness! I can't wait until they're born, Lou! It's too bad that Harry isn't there to see them." She said, sadly.

"Well Lottie, Harry actually came back last night." I grinned widely, because I honestly thought that I'd never be able to say that.

"OH MY GOSH!" Lottie screamed. "I'm so happy for you Lou Lou!"

"Thanks Lottie."

We talked for awhile, catching up on lost time. Apparently, I have missed quite a lot since I've last talked to her, which was last month. I always make sure to call Lottie at least once a month, if not more.

Suddenly, Lottie gasped, and there was a shuffling noise, then I heard my Mum's muffled voice. "Lottie, who are you talking to?" There was an ache in my chest, when I heard her voice, and it suddenly hit me, I really miss my mum.

"I'm talking to Louis," Lottie answered, her voice sounded different.

"Let me talk to him," my Mum's voice said menacingly, and I could already imagine her threatening stance, eyes narrowed, a hand on her hip while the other extended for the phone.

There was some more shuffling, and footsteps, then I heard my Mum's voice, cold and clipped. "Louis."

"Mum, I... I miss you a lot," I whispered admittedly into the phone.

"Louis, it's never too late. You can always come back home, you just need to admit that you're not gay. Now that your... son is out of the way, there's really no reason for you to like boys." My Mum said, as if reasoning with me.

"It's too late for that, Mum. I'm pregnant, and in love with my boyfriend." I said.

She gasped, "then abort the baby, and dump him."

Anger coursed through my veins how dare she... "Mum, I am happy which is something that I could never be with you! I have two kids already, and I'm not just going to up and abandon them like Dad did! Just because I have the ability to kill my babies doesn't mean that I do! Their lives are in my hands, and they completely depend on me, I can't just do that, and take away my princess' lives away from them! It wouldn't be fair mum, because I haven't even gotten to hold them! Unlike you, I can't leave the ones that I love! I don't care what the Hell you say, but I'm not giving up my happiness, and love just so that you can be happy! How dare you even suggest that!" I exploded into the phone.

I didn't expect the next words that came out of her mouth, "Louis William Tomlinson, you are no longer my son, and I'm ashamed that I even gave birth to you, a slutty fag. You can never again call, or even talk to Lottie, or anyone else in this family."

Before I could even register her words, she hung up.

Sighing sadly, I laid on Harry and I's bed, tears already dripping down the sides of my face I placed my hands on top of my baby bump as if it would comfort me.

"My mum rejected me like I thought," I whispered into the silent room to no one in particular. "But you know what? It's okay, because I've gotten used to her rejecting me."

***

That night at the dinner table, Zayn sat across from me, Harry next to me, and Lily and Kyle were across from each other. Lily talked lively about her day, and Kyle tried to talk over him about his own day. Zayn was quiet, as was Harry. I watched answered the kids' questions on occasion.

Harry cleared his throat, speaking lowly, "I have something really important to say."

Immediately Lily and Kyle stopped talking, and even Zayn looked up at him.

"Well as you know... I've been away for quite awhile. And it's hard to explain the reason why, but I'm here now, and I'm never leaving. There's something that you have to know now that I am back."

Kyle and Lily looked up at him with waiting eyes, and I held his hand, squeezing slightly, as if telling him that it's okay.

"I... I have lung cancer."

Zayn paled, "oh my gosh, I almost punched a man with cancer."

I wet humorless laugh left my lips, "pretty much."

That night there were tears, and understanding, but most of all there was a bond, and that bond is love, a bond that we'll always have.

As long as that bond is there, I know that we are going to stay together regardless.

However, I knew better than anyone else that love is a battlefield.


	17. Please Just Stay

(Harry's p.o.v.)

It's been a week since I've have been back.

Everything has been slowly turning back to normal, but we were all still healing.

Lily, is still mad at me, even though she does understand. I'll have to talk to her about it later. Kyle has accepted me back welcomingly, and has played the piano for me multiple times since I've been back.

I'm proud with how much he's learned.

Lily stays in her room when she comes home, and doesn't talk much anymore. Louis is worried about her, and I am as well, but of course I don't admit that to him, otherwise he'd get even more worried.

It feels so much better to be home with the ones I love, it feels right.

Though, I don't think that Zayn believes me when I say that I'm not going to leave, so the only way I can prove that to him is by not leaving. I don't ever intend on leaving.

After all they are my family, whether it's official or not.

But first, I need to set things right.

***

I knocked on Lily's bedroom door early that morning, hoping that I wasn't waking her up. However, when she spoke her voice sounded very much awake, no traces of sleep was in her voice. "Come in."

Faintly I found myself wondering how long she has been up as I opened the door. She didn't look up from her laptop, only continuing her typing while she lay in bed.

I cleared my throat and sat at the end of her bed, careful not to sit on her toes. Her eyes flicked up to mine for a moment, and she quickly looked back at the computer screen.

"What do you want Papa?" she said quietly, tiredly.

"To talk to you." I answered, carefully taking the laptop out from her grasp, and set it gently on her nightstand, much to her protesting. "You can have it back once we talk."

Lily glared at me slightly before sitting up straighter in bed and nodded, "well what do you want to talk about?"

"How you are acting. I understand that you are mad at me for leaving you all for two months, but please just try to see it from my point of view." I nearly pleaded with her.

"I have, Papa, but have you tried seeing it from my point of view, or Kyle's, or Daddy's?" Lily asked me. "I blamed you leaving on myself for the longest time. Daddy was scared, because he though that he couldn't take care of Peanut, Kyle, and I all at the same time. I was scared, but I had to be strong for Daddy and Kyle, because I didn't want to be yet another problem that they had to deal with, and I had to be strong. Kyle stopped playing the piano, and Daddy had to to visit Carter's grave twice a week just to stay together! But it didn't really work, because you still weren't there!"

My jaw clenched shut at her words, granted they hurt, but I knew that this was what she needed.

"I wanted so badly to help Daddy, to be a big girl, and help him, but I couldn't, Uncle Zayn and Auntie Perrie had to! They were here when you weren't! Papa, do you even know how he finally came to the conclusion that he even needed help? It was when he passed out in a puddle of his own puke after puking for an hour on the floor! He couldn't even make it to the bathroom Papa, he was so weak... and I couldn't even do anything..." she trailed off.

I placed a careful hand over hers.

She continued, tears in her eyes, "Papa, it wasn't fair, because I tried so hard to help, I really did, but I became even more of a problem when Damien beat me up. I had no one to talk to about Damien, and you were the only one who knew, and you weren't here at all to help me when I needed it! Papa, oh my goodness, it was horrible-" a sob cut her off, and I immediately wrapped her in a tight hug, and her trembling arms wrapped around me.

"I missed you so much Papa," she sobbed out.

Squeezing my eyes shut I felt tears gather in my own eyes as well as my heart tug out of sadness, and I knew that I had hurt her deeply unintentionally, "I'm so sorry princess. I- I never meant for any of this to happen. I didn't want any of you to hurt. None of it is your fault."

She snorted, "well I don't know what else you would expect. You are our Papa, after all. You aren't supposed to leave. We all are supposed to be together forever."

"I know. I'm here now, and I'm never going to leave you, ever. We are a family, even if Daddy and I aren't married yet. I love you all so much."

Lily sniffled, holding out her pinky, "promise?"

"Promise," I said, my voice was hoarse as I hooked my pinky with hers.

"Love you too Papa," she whispered. "Please, just stay with us forever."

"Don't worry, I will. Always."

***

That night when Zayn knocked on the door, I answered it immediately since Louis was already asleep, as were the kids.

Zayn's eyes were confused as they met mine. "Where's Louis? Is he okay?"

"He's asleep, and just fine. I... I have an important question to ask you," I answered hesitantly.

"Well then ask it." Zayn gestured for me to hurry up.

I took a deep breath, "first you may want to sit down before I tell you though."

With a furrowed brow, Zayn walked into the living room, and sat on the couch. Once I locked the door, I sat across from him.

Wiping my sweaty palms nervously against my pants, I sighed in hopes that it would take the edge off of my nervous, "okay so um... well... I would like your..." I trailed off, running a hand over my face.

"You would like my what?" Zayn raised an awkward eyebrow.

I straightened in my seat, knowing how awkward this must be for him, "I would like your blessings for me to marry Louis."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey! Sorry of it's short, but it is important! I hope that you like it still! So cliffhanger aye!? What do you all think Zayn is going to do/say? Anyways, love you all!


	18. Half A Heart

(Harry's p.o.v.)

Zayn's mouth dropped in shock, and it took him awhile to answer, but when he did my heart nearly stopped. "No.... just... it's not right after all the pain you've caused him."

"Please, Zayn, I know that I've hurt him, and I'm trying to fix what I did. I want to give him and the kids assurance that I will always be here for them. This is the only way that I can show them that I mean it. I promise that I'll never hurt any of them again Zayn. Please say yes."

Sighing, Zayn rubbed his hand over his face.

"Harold Edward Styles, you promise that you won't hurt Louis or Lily or Kyle again?" Zayn asked, looking me in the eyes.

"I promise," I nodded.

"Okay then... don't disappoint me... yes I give you my blessings."

"Thanks Zayn, I won't disappoint you." I sighed in relief, hugging Zayn tightly.

"You better not," he threatened. "Now would you let go of me?"

***

(Louis' p.o.v.)

The next morning I woke up to an empty bed, but I could smell the comforting aroma of food, and hear the kids' loudly in the middle of a discussion.

Stretching, I grinned, and carefully got out of bed. Slipping on one of Harry's large jumpers, I then carefully went downstairs.

When I entered the kitchen the kids stopped talking, biting their bottom lips as if to hide a grin. Looking over to Harry with a raised eyebrow, I asked him a question, breaking the awkward silence. "What's going on?"

Harry's green eyes held amusement as he got up, and laid a peck on my cheek. "Nothing Lily, Kyle, and I were just discussing their test scores. Your plate is in the microwave if you're hungry."

"Thanks, Haz." I grinned, reaching up to get my food from the microwave. "So how were you guys' scores?" I asked as I sat down.

Kyle frowned in confusion, "what test?" With wide eyes, Lily turned to Kyle, and pinched him, resulting in him yelping loudly. "Ooh that test, now I remember, I got a B."

Zayn cleared his throat as he walked into the kitchen, "Lily and Kyle, you two have to get going if you expect to get to school on time."

"Yes Uncle Zayn," Lily and Kyle answered in unison, pushing away from the table.

They both pecked Harry and I on the cheeks, saying goodbye, then they hugged Zayn, grabbing their backpacks they were then out the door.

Harry bit his lip, nervously fiddling with the food on his plate, "Louis?"

"Yeah?" I asked before taking a mouthful of omelet.

"Do you want to go out on a dinner date with me tonight?" He asked carefully, almost hesitantly.

I nodded, felling as if I was agreeing to something more to a simple date, but I pushed that thought away. "Of course I will, but what about the kids?"

"Perry and I can watch them," Zayn spoke up from where he was standing by the doorway.

"Okay then, I guess it's settled." I grinned, and didn't question Harry when he sighed in relief.

***

"Harry, nothing fits me anymore," I whined, tossing another one of my pants that once again didn't fit me.

"It doesn't matter what you wear, Boo, just wear whatever you feel comfortable in," he reassured me, knowing how I get over clothes.

"But Harry, nothing looks good on me anymore," I sniffled, unwanted tears sprung to my eyes.

Shushing me, Harry cupped my face in one of his large hands. "That's because everything looks too perfect on you. Don't cry, love," lightly he pecked my nose.

"Okay," I answered quietly, leaning into Harry's hand.

***

Even though it took me half an hour to settle on just wearing Harry's clothes, I did feel a tad bit more confident on how I looked.

When Harry and I walked downstairs, Zayn was waiting at the bottom of the stairs along with Lily and Kyle. Zayn grinned, "looking fine Tommo."

I chuckled, "thanks, Z."

"Now you two have fun, and don't worry about these two-" he put a hand on each Lily and Kyle's back, "-I'll call if I need anything, or if anything goes wrong. Enjoy your night out!"

Lily and Kyle encompassed Harry and I in a tight group hug. Exchanging goodbye's and kisses, Harry and I then walked out.

***

When Harry and I walked into an Italian restaurant, I felt underdressed since everyone else, excluding us, were wearing fancy dresses and tuxes. The waiter walked over to us, "do you have a reservation?"

"Yes, under the name Styles."

The waiter's eyes widened as if in shock, but nodded immediately, "of course, right this way." He lead us to the back of the restaurant that was closed off from everyone else.

Harry pulled out my chair for me, and thanking him, I sat down. Once he pushed in my chair a bit, Harry sat across from me.

"Would you like anything to drink?" the waiter asked us.

"Any type of tea would be fine," I answered.

"I'll just have water," Harry said.

The waiter nodded before walking away.

Harry grinned slightly, "do you know what you feel like eating, Boo?"

I shrugged, in the mood for anything really, "I'll just have whatever you are, honestly I'm not very hungry."

"Okay then, maybe we can share spaghetti?" he asked. "If you don't want spaghetti we can have something else." Harry said quickly, nerviously.

"No, spaghetti is just fine," I grinned at him reassuringly, and Harry sighed in relief.

The waiter came back with our drinks, and straws, "Have you decided what you want?"

Nodding, Harry ordered for the both of us, which had the waiter leaving once again. Harry's green eyes focused on my prominent baby bump, his question caught me slightly off guard.

"Do you have any baby names in mind yet?"

I hummed in thought, "to be honest, I haven't thought of any really. Do you have any in mind?" I mirrored his question.

"Maybe Dakota," Harry answered. "If that's okay with you of course."

I thought a bit, "it's cute and I like it, but don't you think that's a bit... boy-ish?"

He shrugged, "a tad, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is that you like it, who cares about what all the rest think."

"Then it's settled," I grinned as I took a sip from my warm tea. "Dakota it is. Do you have a name for our second baby princess?"

"Nope, that's only because you get to come up with that one. I come up with one name, and you come up with the other. It's only fair since you have to carry them for nine months, after all."

"I'll let you know when I come up with a name for her, then," I said.

"That's no problem, no rush at all." Harry grinned kissing me gently on the lips. My lips reciprocated instantly, matching the slow pace of the kiss.

The waiter came with our food, clearing his throat so that we blushed and pulled away.

***

"Do you remember when we first met?" Harry asked quietly as we began to just walk down a random street.

"In the park?" I asked confused slightly.

"No the very first time, in the club."

"Hm..." I thought hard. "I don't remember much about that night, actually."

Harry bit his lip, "well, as you already know, you weren't the first 'fling' that I had, and well I sort of lied, because I did remember you, I was just hoping that you wouldn't remember me. You were the only guy that I... banged, all the rest were girls. You were different from everyone else, because you were so... guarded and hesitant, but still willing. If you weren't so drunk, you probably wouldn't have let me persuade you."

I nodded, sensing that he had more to say. "You remember the second time we met, right; in the park? I would secretly wish that we would somehow meet again, and well I guess that I didn't expect it to actually happen. Then I was so confused as to why you were so upset with me, but now I understand." Harry whispered the last part. "From spending that short time with you and Carter together, I knew and understood how much he meant to you. I'm not sure if this means anything right now, but I'm so sorry for taking him away from you; I didn't mean to do it."

"Harry, it's not all your fault, though, but it's okay. I forgave you a long time ago." I said quietly.

"I know, but I still played a part in it, kicking you two out didn't really help his condition. Do you remember when I said I didn't believe you when you said that Carter was our son?"

Wordlessly, I nodded.

"Well I believe you now. Lou, I just can't believe that I couldn't sooner. I'm so sorry that he had to die like he did."

"That last day... the last day he was actual awake, he wanted me to tell you that you are a good person for letting us stay with you. Carter loved you too, you know, just in a different way. He didn't really get enough time with you, but I know that he does love you, even if he didn't really say the words." I answered carefully as I recalled that day.

I watched as Harry grew surprised, and suddenly I realized where we were at.

There was the wooden bench that Carter and I would sleep on, that I would play on.

The wooden bench that I played for Kyle and Lily on.

There was the slide that Carter would always go down.

The slide that Kyle lost his first tooth on.

There was the blue monkey bars that Carter busted his head on.

The same blue monkey bars that Lily crossed when she was five.

There was the nearly frozen over grass that Carter would always roll and crawl in during the Summer.

The very same grass green grass that Lily and Kyle would play tag in.

It was the park.

Suddenly, I was aware of Harry's low voice as he began singing.

"So your friend's been telling me, you've been sleeping with my sweater and that you can't stop missing me. Bet my friend's been teeling you I'm not doing much better. 'Cause I'm missing half of me.

And being here without you is like I'm waking up to,

Only half a blue sky, kinda there but not quite.

I'm walking around with just one shoe.

I'm half a heart without you.

I'm half a man at best, with half an arrow in my chest.

I miss everything we do, I'm half a heart without you.

Forget all we said that night.

No, it doesn't even matter, 'cause we both got split in two.

If you could spare an hour or so, we'll go for lunch down by the river, we can really talk it through.

And being here without you is like I'm waking up to

 

Only half a blue sky, kinda there but not quite.

I'm walking around with just one shoe.

I'm half a heart without you.

I'm half a man at best, with half an arrow in my chest.

I miss everything we do, I'm half a heart without you.

Though I try to get you out of my head

The truth is I got lost without you."

Slowly Harry got down onto one knee, a small red velvet box in hand. "Louis, without you and our children I can never be whole, because I love you all so much. These two months apart from you made me realize this, and I never want to lose you. So please, would you Louis William Tomlinson marry me so that we can always be together?"

Tears in my eyes, I nodded repeatedly, whispering loud enough for him to hear. "Yes, I will."

With a shaky hand, Harry took the ring out of the small box, and slid it onto my ring finger, smiling widely. He stood up again, hugging me tightly, "I love you so much Lou."

Sniffling, I gripped tightly onto his shirt, knowing that I was messing it up with my tears, but as I said 'I love you too,' I knew that it didn't matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey! I hope you liked it!!! It's not over yet, so don't worry! However, on that note, I will be going to Maryland for a couple weeks, so sadly I won't be able to update during those two weeks, so I am doing my best to update as much as I can this week. Love you all!!!


	19. Little Princesses

That night when Harry and I came home late with red rimmed eyes, Zayn immediately assumed the worse, and looked at Harry.

"What did you do now?"

Harry grinned, "nothing bad. Louis said yes."

I nodded tiredly, confirming what Harry said, and leaned into Harry's side. Smiling widely, Zayn hugged both of us. "I'm so happy for you two! Let me see the ring!"

"Sh, the kids are sleeping, but thank you, Z." I held out my hand to show him the ring, and he gasped.

"Damn, that's a nice ring," Zayn nodded approvingly.

 

"I know right, it's the best, I can't wait for the wedding. Speaking of, would you like to be my best man?" I asked him.

He nodded eagerly, this is probably the most excited I have ever seen him ever, which is sort of weird to see. "Of course I will Lou."

"Thanks, Z." I grinned, and stifled a yawn.

Lightly pecking the top of my forehead, Harry spoke up. "Love, we should probably be getting to sleep now."

Zayn nodded agreeingly, "no sex tonight. You two have had enough excitement for one day. Now off to bed. The little princesses need their sleep after all."

Narrowing my eyes, I lightly punched Zayn's arm, "be nice. Goodnight Zayn."

Feigning hurt, Zayn rubbed his arm, "goodnight Larry couple."

"What?" Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Your ship name, Niall and I made it up. It's so much easier than saying Harry and Louis, anyways, goodnight."

Harry shook his head, and I rolled my eyes before we went upstairs.

***

I woke up to a slight pressure against my lips, and I groaned as a tongue prodded at my bottom lip. "Wake up, love," I heard Harry's voice beckon me.

Turning on my side, I mumbled something undecipherable into my pillow, but it came out a lot like, 'nrgm.' Harry chuckled, and I felt him start to kiss at my neck.

"It's Saturday," Harry mumbled against my skin.

"Mm..." was all that I could muster.

"Do you want to go to the park today with the kids?" Harry asked me, gently nibbling at the junction of my neck. Without answering, I laced a hand in Harry's curls, and he began to lightly suck on the same spot.

"Haz," I hissed as the stinging pleasure I felt.

He smirked, and pulled away from my neck, "good morning, Boo. Now that I see that you're finally awake and coherent... do you want to go to the park with the kids today?" He repeated his initial question.

I groaned, and slowly opened my eyes, "yes."

"Okay then, get up. It's nearly lunch time."

***

The next day was bittersweet as Zayn and Perrie sat all of us down in the living room, "Lily and Kyle, Uncle Zayn and I can't stay here anymore."

Kyle frowned, "but why?"

Harry and I exchanged a look, and I answered instead, "Papa and I are getting married, Hon. Now that Papa is here to take care of us, Uncle Zayn and Auntie Perrie doesn't need to stay anymore. They have their own life too."

Lily bit her bottom lip, and rested her chin in her hand, "I guess that I understand, but you will visit, right?"

"Of course we will, Kiddo," Zayn said, and almost immediately, Lily launched herself into Zayn's lap, hugging him tightly. Kyle blinked, and hugged Perrie.

Once everyone got their hugs in, Zayn looked at Harry, "you better keep your promise."

Harry nodded, "I will."

***

Niall and I sat at the table a week later, different pictures and themes spread out for the wedding. Harry had to go to work, and the kids were at school, which left me alone at home, so of course I called Niall to come over and help me out.

"Okay, so you want the theme to be silver and blue, right?" Niall asked me, and I nodded. "Have you and Harry sent out invitations yet?"

"Not yet, he said that would probably be something that you would want to help me with." I answered.

"Well, he made the right decision," Niall chuckled. "We can make our own invitations. It's so much more fun, and that way it shows that you care about them, and that you really want them to be there. It's more welcoming that way."

"Okay then," I mumbled, getting up. "What do we need then?"

Hours later, Niall and I together finished over twenty unique and personalized invitations. Niall made the ones for his and Liam's family, and I did the ones for Zayn, Perrie, Martha, my sisters, and Harry's family.

I'm debating on whether or not I should make one for my Mum and her husband. She didn't invite me to her wedding, but I suppose it wouldn't hurt for me to at least try one last time.

In the neatest writing I could muster, I started to write out my message.

'Mum, Harry and I are getting married next month.

The date, place, and time will be enclosed with this invitation. If you need my number, you can ask Lottie for it, but it is also enclosed with the invitation.

I'm not saying that you have to come, because you really don't, but it would really mean a lot to me if you could make it.

I really do love Harry, and I hope that you will be able to see that, and accept that. I love really my kids, and will do anything for them. I'll do anything to protect them.

Please Mum, just try to see it my way.

By us getting married, we are making our love official.

Love you Mum, and I hope that you are able to make it,

Lou.'

"Louis, you okay?" Niall asked gently, and I didn't even realize that I was crying until a single tear dripped onto my Mum's invitation.

I nodded, wiping away my tears, "I'm fine."

"Okay," Niall said unbelievingly, but thankfully didn't push the topic.

***

"I sent an invitation to my Mum," I whispered to Harry that night.

Harry placed his hands on my baby bump, smiling slightly. "I knew that you would."

"How?" I asked, brow slightly furrowed.

"Because, you love her too much to not give her one," he answered, lightly tracing patterns into my stomach. As if sensing Harry's fingertips, the twins began to kick against his fingers.

His eyes widened, and it occurred to me that it was his first time feeling them kick.

"Lou, they finally kicked for me," he whispered excitedly, grinning widely, pressing his hands flat on top of my stomach.

I grinned, "it's their way of saying that they love you."

Harry rubbed my stomach gently, resulting in the twins kicking lightly once again. "I love you too, my little princesses."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey! If I don't update tomorrow, then this is my last update until I go to Maryland, I'll miss you all while I'm gone!!! The next chapter will probably be the wedding if everything goes as planned, just as a heads up!


	20. Stronger Bonds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I know, an update! Anyways there's a sex scene, but I put the warnings before and after.

I paced Harry and I's room early that morning thinking of anything that can possibly go wrong, and how I can prevent it if possible. Lily is the flower girl, what if she accidentally steps on her dress and it tears? What if her allergies start acting up and she suddenly needs an epipen injection?

Why does Harry want a spring and outdoor wedding so badly? What if it's too hot and I sweat so badly that everyone can smell it, or even worse, what if a bee stings my bum? Kyle is the ring bearer, what if he falls and loses the rings?

That would be a nightmare.

Sighing, I sat at the edge of our bed and placed a hand on my baby bump. What if I can't even get into my suit because I'm too fat? Oh my goodness what if the babies decide to come before I can say 'I do'?

Lightly I nudged Harry, mumbling quietly, "Hazza wake up."

Groaning, he turned over to face me. Even though his eyes were still closed, I knew that he was awake.

"What's wrong Boo," he mumbled sleepily.

"Hazza what would happen if I went into labor during the wedding," I asked quietly.

"Then we will exchange our vows while you are in the hospital bed holding our babies, Lou, the babies aren't even due for another few months." He said while opening his eyes and gently tugging on my arm, taking the hint I laid beside him."

Harry placed his large hand over my equally as large baby bump, "is there anything else that you're worried about love?"

I began I rant to him about all my what ifs, which he came up with a solution for each and every one of them.

"There's nothing to worry about love," Harry murmured into my ear, holding me close to him, "is that all?"

"No I have one more." I answered quietly.

"And whats that?"

I bit my bottom lip while looking into his green eyes, "Harry... what if... what if my mum doesn't come?"

His eyes softened, "oh love, she didn't call you to make reservations?"

I shook my head before burying it in his neck.

"I'm so sorry boo," he whispered, lightly, but carefully hugging me. "There will be an extra chair in case she does come, okay?"

Wordlessly I nodded, but I couldn't help the tears that filled my eyes, a traitor tear slid down my cheek and wetted Harry's neck.

"Sh, it's okay love, don't cry, there'll be enough time for that later. You're supposed to be happy today, please don't cry boo," he pleaded softly, pressing light kisses to the top of my head.

"Okay, sorry," I said, my voice was hoarse with unshed tears."

"Its okay Lou, it's not your fault."

Emerging from Harry's neck, I pressed a kiss to his lips, which he returned with passion."

Deep inside I knew that this kiss was among one of our last kisses as fiances, and our next kiss will be as newlyweds.

***

"Do you Harry Styles take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do," Harry said huskily, voice filled with emotion as he gazed into my eyes.

"And do you, Louis Tomlinson take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

I glanced at my mum who was sitting all the way in the back staring at me sharply, before I looked back at Harry's green eyes, "I do."

"Are there any objections to this marriage? If so, speak now or forever hold your peace."

My eyes traveled back to my mum's, and this time she caught my wandering gaze, and stared right into my eyes. This time when our eyes met, she looked away as if she felt guilty, and placed her hands over her protruding stomach.

Surprisingly she, nor anyone else, spoke.

"I now pronounce you husbands, you may now kiss the groom."

Holding both my hands in his own larger ones, Harry fixated his eyes on my own. Once his eyes flicked down to my lips, he moved in, and I met him, halfway as our lips melded together lovingly.

Everyone around us cheered, clapped, and cat called, however I could hear Lily and Kyle's disgusted groans above everyone else.

I knew that people were taking pictures, but in that moment with Harry I's lips connected, there was only us.

***

All around different tables, plates were filled with food, and wineglasses filled with wine. The kids' (plastic) cups were filled with soda.

People's soft conversations that filled the park were broken as Zayn cleared his throat, and stood up, gaining the attention of everyone around.

"Good afternoon everyone, I would like to say a few things before you continue on with your day. I know Louis very well, he's my best friend, and has been since birth. Louis isn't one to give up, never was. Eleven years ago, I was surprised when he gave up on trying to love Harry. However, I look at how far they've come together, and I am proud that they have come together, and I am proud that they have stuck together all this time. With two kids already, and two more on the way, things can get quite stressful, but I know that they will look past that before acting. These two men have fought the hardest for their love, and because they didn't give up, they are able to be together today. They fought for what they believe in, and they always will."

Zayn paused a moment before looking at Harry and I. "I wish you two nothing but the best, and I hope that things will only get easier for you."

People all around clapped as Zayn finished his speech, and sat down. Tears gathered in my eyes, and grinned while mouthing a 'thank you' to Zayn.

Suddenly, my world seemed to slow as my mum stood up as well. Harry held my hand, and turned to look at me, but all I could do was blink as my mum cleared her throat as well.

Next to her I could see Lottie, Fizz, Phoebe, and Daisy, as my heart skipped a beat. They were so close, but yet so far.

"Louis is my son," she started off. "And he always will be. I won't take up a lot of your time, because I really don't have much to say, but it's important. Louis," her eyes went straight to me, and I suddenly felt sick, not wanting to know what she had to say. "I see now t hat you do love your family, and I understand that. What I said about your babies, and your family I am sorry about that. It was unnecessary of me to say those things. I just wanted you to know that I understand, but I don't accept it." Her small grim smile was bittersweet.

All my sisters stood up, and I watched as they climbed into a car, a man in the driver's seat, and the car drove away. Harry lightly squeezed my hand, and pecked my forehead murmuring quietly, "it's okay Lou, you'll settle things one day."

Soon after my mum left, Liam and Niall brought out the cake, Liam on one side, Niall on the other, because the cake was huge. Ryan watched with his eyes wide, probably having never seen a cake before.

Lily and Kyle's jaws dropped, and Lily poked my arm, "Daddy that cake is huge."

I nodded agreeingly, "it might even be bigger than Kyle."

"Papa," Kyle whispered in awe. "Did Uncle Niall make that all on his own?"

Harry nodded, "that's what he told us Ky."

Standing up, Harry and I made our way over to the cake, and everyone else gathered around to watch.

"You two have to cut the cake together! It would be so cute!" Niall said excitedly, handing Harry the knife.

Chuckling, Harry wrapped a hand around the knife's handle, and I did the same, placing my hand over top of his. Usually Harry's strong hand would guide my own, but as we cut the cake, we did it together, hands intertwined.

I couldn't help but smile as cameras flashed, and we cut out the first slice. An idea popped into my head, and once we cut out everyone else's slices and put the knife down, I put my plan into action.

Grabbing a small handful of cake from my own plate, I didn't hesitate before smearing it into Harry's face.

Harry's eyes widened while people gasped and laughed. After gauging his reaction, I began to giggle my ass off, figuring it was safe to laugh.

However, if I hadn't been laughing, I would have seen it coming. Suddenly, Harry retaliated, and I ended up with a face full of cake as well.

Leaning in, I pecked Harry on the cheek, and watched Harry's eyes darken as I licked the sweet frosting from my mouth. Not caring that other people were present, Harry crushed his mouth to mine, cupping my head with his free hand. When his tongue prodded at my bottom lip, I parted my mouth, granting him entrance. Our tongues hotly tangled together as he stole the sugary frosting straight from my mouth.

Pulling away from my mouth, Harry gently rested his forehead against mine, grinning widely as I was.

"I love you, Lou," Harry murmured quietly so that only I could hear.

"Love you too, Hazza," I murmured back.

"I'm glad I married you," he said lowly, voice t hick with love.

"Me too, Haz."

Once Harry and I washed the cake from our faces, and finished the rest of our cake slices, Lily and Kyle tugged Harry and I to the dancing area where loud music was being played.

Lily paired up with Harry while Kyle chose me, grabbing both of my hands in his own.

Grinning excitedly, Kyle giggled as I carefully twirled him around. "Having fun so far?" I asked him over the music.

He nodded vigorously, "yes, but it's really gross when you and Papa kiss." His nose scrunched up in pure disgust.

I chuckled, "Oh really?"

"Yes really."

"Hm, well let's see what Papa has to say about that."

With a serious glint in his eyes, he agreed and we made our way over to where Harry and Lily were dancing. Kyle lightly tugged on Harry's sleeve. Harry, listened to Kyle, and nodded in understanding as Kyle began to explain the problem.

"So let me get this straight," Harry said, eyes lit with amusement. "Now I can't kiss Daddy like this-?" Leaning in, he stole a quick kiss from my lips.

Lily and Kyle looked at us as if we've just done the worst thing ever.

"No you most certainly can not," Lily chimed in.

Harry pouted, "but that's not fair at all."

"Yes it totally is," Lily answered.

After a few moments of thinking, Harry came up with a solution. "Okay how about this, then. Your Daddy and I will still kiss, just not in front of you two; how does that sound?"

Exchanging a glance with Kyle, Lily answered hesitantly and slowly, "okay, I guess that's alright as long as it's not in front of us."

After hours of dancing, food, and games, the final song came on. I wrapped my arms around Harry's neck as he placed his hands on my hips, his fingers splaying at my lower back.

"Hello there Louis Styles," Harry murmurer into my ear.

I grinned, murmuring back, "hello my husband."

Humming, I could feel Harry grin into my neck, "I don't think that I'll ever get used to you saying that." Harry began to quietly sing the song into my ear.

Closing my eyes, I just listened to Harry's soft words, and enjoyed Harry's warm presence.

In that moment, as Harry sang Shakira's words into my ear, everything was perfect.

***

When we departed for our honeymoon it was bittersweet, filled with teary smiles and hugs. Lily and Kyle of course cried the most, but I know that they will be okay, because Zayn and Perry are with them.

In order to get to where we has to go, Harry and I had to go on a boat. What better way is there to spend the evening than on a cruise?

After all, I have never been on a boat.

Right now, Harry and I are lazing around on deck, sharing small kisses. Harry is sitting in a chair, and I in his lap, head lolling against Harry's shoulder.

His hands are over top my own which are resting on my baby bump. At times, his thumb would gently rub at areas on my baby bump.

"Do you need anything?" Harry asked softly.

"No," I murmured sleepily.

"You need to sleep," he said, breath close to my ear . "Believe me, you'll be glad you did once we get there... and into bed."

I gasped, "Harry don't say that around the babies."

"If they can hear us, they still don't know what we're talking about." Harry said, obviously amused.

"Still don't care, don't want them to have your dirty mouth," I mumbled, turning slightly to face him, and pecked him on the lips.

"God, what did I do to deserve you?" He said, voice low and husky.

My eyes traveled to the star lit sky, "well do you know what my Dad used to say?"

"What would he say?" Harry asked intently.

"He'd say 'people don't deserve anything in life. So be thankful, and grateful for what little you do have, and always hold them close to your heart."

He was silent for a bit, "he sounds like an awesome person, your dad."

I grinned slightly, "thanks, I miss him sometimes, but I usually din't think of him as much. Do you miss yours?" I sleepily inquired.

"I did when I was younger, but not anymore," Harry answer, voice colder than before.

Staring at the stars, I couldn't come up with a response, so I said nothing. A few minutes passed before Harry said anything else. "Get some sleep, Love. I'll wake you up once we get there," his voice was softer this time.

"M'kay Hazza," I yawned, relaxing into Harry's arms. Resting my head against Harry's shoulder, I let much needed sleep overtake me.

***

When I woke up, I was in an unfamiliar bed, wearing nothing but one of Harry's large Shirts, and my boxers. Confused, I immediately called out for Harry.

I sighed in relief once I heard familiar footsteps, and Harry walked into the room.

"Yes, Boo?" he answered raspily.

"Where are we?" I asked, brow furrowed.

"A beach house in Italy," Harry grinned, climbing into bed beside me.

"Well we're here, and in bed, so are you going to follow through with your word?" I raised a suggestive eyebrow.

"Are you sure that you still want me to? If you're too tired, you can go to sleep, and we can make love in the morning," Harry suggested.

"Hazza, I'm sure. Make love to me now... please," my last word came out more needy than I intended it to, and Harry's eyes darkened.

"Okay."

(This is where the sex starts!)

Without hesitation, Harry attacked my neck, pressing several rough open mouthed kisses there. Gasping, I wrapped my arms around Harry's neck, one of my hands played with the curls at the base of his neck.

Slightly growling, Harry pulled away from my neck, and all but ripped the shirt I was wearing off. I couldn't help the embarrassing whine that left my throat as Harry's tongue lightly traced around a sensitive nipple. Since I'm pregnant, they have become that much more sensitive.

"Harry," I whimpered, squeezing my eyes shut as he to lightly suck on the reddening bud. His left hand splayed at my stomach as his right one began to gently pinch and tug at my other nub.

"Hazza, p-please!" I nearly begged as his hips bucked against Harry's on their own accord, needing friction. Moaning slightly, Harry began to grind his clothed erection against my own.

Pulling away from my nipples, Harry carefully took hold of my arm, and held it in front of the both of us.

"Well my father once said that a person's scars define who they are, and he was right, you know. They show the battles that you've fought and won. They show your respect for life. Most of all, they show that you are brave enough to want to live."

Harry's lips began to leave loving pecks on each of my scars on my wrists, and the ones on my arms. I laid there speechless, not knowing what to say.

So I settled for, "I love you so much, Haz."

Only once he left a kiss on every scar did he reply, "I love you too, Lou." His mouth met mine in a slow kiss that coaxed a couple of moans from my mouth as he sucked on my tongue before breaking away.

Slowly, Harry pulled down my boxers and off entirely, then put them on the floor along with the remains of the shirt I was wearing, and did the same to his own underwear before grabbing the lube off the nightstand.

"You ready?" he asked once he applied a generous amount of the substance to his fingers.

I nodded my head vigorously.

"Okay then, this is going to hurt a bit since we haven't done this for awhile."

After I nodded, Harry gently pressed a first finger against my hole, not quite pressing in, but applying enough pressure for me to squirm a bit in discomfort. His other hand wrapped around my leaking cock as he pressed in his finger. Small whimpers left my mouth once his large finger was fully sheathed inside me.

"Sh, it's okay love," Harry whispered against my lips. There was slight pain as he started to thrust his finger slowly in and out of me, but that pain almost entirely disappeared when Harry began to pump my hard member.

"Hazza please add-d a-another," I pleaded once the pain gave away to pleasure.

Wordlessly, Harry carefully added a second finger, scissoring in and out of my passage. When I started to grind down on his fingers, Harry, without a warning, slammed a third finger into me.

Loudly, I cried out in pleasure as his fingers hit my prostate head on. "Fuck Harry!"  
He paused the movements of his fingers, and his hand pumping my member, "you okay?"

Squirming from the sudden withdraw of pleasure, I ground down on his fingers, which were pressing uncomfortably into my prostate, "p-please m-move Ha-Hazza," I whimpered.

"Louis are you okay?" Harry asked more firmly this time.

I nodded, "just p-peachy, now please m-move- ah!" once again I cried out as Harry started to rub his fingertips, into the sensitive gland, while his thumb smeared my pre- come over the tip of my member.

However, soon after the sensation started, he stopped, and carefully pulled his fingers out. I couldn't help but whine at the lost contact.

Pressing his lips to mine, he shushed me.

"H-Harry please, I-I need y-you in me," I begged.

"Okay Boo din't worry, I've got you," he assured me, removing his hand from my cock to apply lube to his own. "Ready?" He asked, carefully placing both my legs over his shoulders.

Nodding, I gripped the sheets as I felt the tip press against my entrance. He groaned when I clenched against the head.

With a gentle roll of his hips, Harry entered me. Once he was all the way in, I whined from the burning pain. His sweaty forehead pressed against my own.

"It's okay love, it's okay. I know that it hurts, but that will go away soon." His eyes were soft as was his voice.

"Okay," I whispered, even as a tear fell, which Harry kissed away. "Y-you can m-move n-now," I whimpered a few minutes later as the pain started to ebb away into a more pleasurable feeling.

Without answering, Harry carefully pulled out halfway before quickly sinking back in, accurately hitting my prostate.

"F-fuck! Haz right there," I whined, desperate for him to hit that spot again.

"I know," Harry smirked. "I feel it," another short thrust hit the sensitive gland.

Eyes screwed tightly shut, I couldn't help but writhe in pleasure. His thrusts became quicker and closer together so that the bed rocked beneath us.

Hands at my waist, Harry began to whisper into my ear, "you're so beautiful like this, Lou, so pretty."

"H-Harry, so close!" I whimpered. I also couldn't help the pleasure laced scream that left my lips as Harry's large hand began to quickly jerk me off in time with his thrusts.

"That's right baby, so good for me," Harry rasped dirtily.

All that I could muster in response was a loud moan.

"Come with me, Lou," he commanded, voice tight as his own release was near. Just as I came in long ropes over my stomach, Harry released as well, coating my insides white. Gently, Harry pulled out, removing my legs from his shoulders.

"We'll clean up in the morning," was all that I was able to hear from Harry as I closed my eyes, and his arms wrapped around me was the last thing I felt before falling asleep.

***

I woke up an hour later to the sound of Harry violently coughing, a tissue to his mouth. Sitting up instantly, I crawled next to him, silently rubbing his flushed back.

Gradually he stopped coughing, spitting something into the tissue before throwing it away.

"Are you okay, Harry?" I asked quietly.

He nodded, clearing his throat, his voice was a bit rougher than normal, "just fine, now go back to sleep."

"You aren't fine, Harry, and I'm not going back to sleep until we talk about it," I told him gently.

"Fine," he groaned. "I'm just coughing up a lot of tar from the smoking. It got stuck in my lungs, so my body is trying to get rid of it."

"Haz that's serious you know. You could... you could die," I whispered. "Cancer is no joke."

Harry gently brushed my fringe from off my forehead, " I know love, but I'm not going to die."

"That's what I thought on November first eleven years back, and do you see where he is now?" I whispered around the forming lump in my throat.

"He was two years old at the time, and weak, Louis." His words struck something in me.

"He was three years old, and a lot stronger than you think he was!" my last word came out as a sob. Almost immediately, Harry wrapped his arms around me, holding me close, and I buried my head in Harry's chest.

"I'm so sorry," Harry whispered, burying his nose in my hair. "I'm sorry, Lou." He repeated as if it were a mantra.

"It's okay," I sniffled.

Stroking my hair, Harry lightly kissed my forehead, "I'll go through chemotherapy if it would make you feel better."

"Only of you want to Haz, it's your body and therefore only your choice, but can we please talk about this later when we get home?"

He nodded, laying down, bringing me with him, "of course."

"Are you in any pain?" I asked, carefully curling into him.

"Not right now," Harry assured me, holding me as close as my enlarged stomach would allow, and he placed a hand over my baby bump.

"Harry?"

"Yes Boo," he asked, slightly stroking my baby bump soothingly.

"Are we okay now?" I asked around a yawn.

He answered without pausing, "yes."

"Harry?"

"Hm?" he hummed, eyes closed.

"I love you too," I murmured, eyes closing, but I was still able to hear Harry's reply before falling asleep.

"I love you too, Boo."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Sorry it took so long, but I got here later than I thought I would, but anyways, here it is!


	21. Danika

The next morning, I was awakened by Harry leaving light kisses on my baby bump, and squirmed slightly from the sensation. I could feel Harry's stubbly smirk against my skin, and whimpered slightly.

"Good morning Love," Harry said, voice low and close to my ear.

All that I was able to muster up in return was a faint, "mornin'."

Chuckling, Harry pressed a gentle peck just under my ear, then waited a moment before finally pressing a kiss to my lips. Harry groaned in surprise as I entangled my fingers in his dark curls, effectively pressing him closer to me.

A prodding tongue poked at my bottom lip, asking for entrance that I almost instantly granted.

However, a low growl from Harry's stomach had us pulling apart and I giggled, opening my eyes.

"Hungry much?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

Slightly embarrassed, Harry chuckled, "now I remember what I came in here to ask. What do you want for breakfast?"

I shrugged, "what ever you want."

"Okay, how does omelets sound?"

***

"So, do you wanna go skinny dipping in the ocean?" Harry asked once he finished chewing a bite of omelet.

I shrugged hesitantly. After years of being on the streets, and taking care of kids, learning to swim wasn't really something that occurred to me. "I don't know how to swim, Haz."

"Oh, I seriously didn't know that... why didn't you tell me earlier?" Harry raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Well..." I finished my last bite of omelet. "It wasn't really a topic that came up. And are we even allowed to skinny dip in the ocean, wouldn't that like scar the fish or something?"

Harry chuckled, "no I think the fish are safe. Don't worry, we're allowed to skinny dip here, this part of the beach is only open to us."

"Hm... does that mean that we can have sex on the beach tomorrow?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Tomorrow, why not today?" Harry asked quite smugly, I knew that he already knew why, but just wanted to hear me say it.

"Because I'm sore," I said it like it was the normal-est thing in the world. "Now, I guess that I can consider skinny dipping as long as you don't let me drown."

Pecking my lips, his eyes were dark and serious, "I would never let you and the babies drown."

"I know you won't babe."

That was how half an hour later we ended up naked in the ocean, me shivering and clinging to Harry as close as possible, and Harry was watching with adoration in his eyes, as well as slight amusement.

"W-water's c-cold," I mumbled.

"I might have a situation for that," Harry murmured into my ear.

"A-and what's th-that?" I asked as seductively as I possibly could while shivering.

"I'm pretty sure that you already know what that is," Harry said, smirking as I gasped when his thumb brushed over the head of my cock.

(Warning slight smut)

All that I could manage to stutter out was a small 'Harry please.'

"Okay love, okay. M' gonna take care of you." Harry murmured raspily into my ear, lightly nipping the rim.

Wrapping a skillful hand around my hardening member, Harry began to slowly pump until it was at its full hardness, and I was a begging and whimpering mess. Despite the cold water, I could feel my skin quickly heating up from the arousal, and Harry's body heat in general.

"F-faster Hazza, p-please," I begged, this time I wasn't stuttering from the cold.

Complying with my request, he speed up his ministrations, and my member was leaking pre- come like crazy only to be lost in the water.

"S-So close," I whined, burying my head in his neck, and thrusting in time with his hand.

"Come for me, babe," he murmured low into my ear.

Then, just like that I released into the water, a loud moan on my lips, and I'm pretty sure that I scared away all the fish.

(Slight smut over)

"Harry," I said slightly out of breath. "Do you think that this is why the ocean is so salty?"

Chuckling he shook his head, "probably not."

"Harry... do you think that the fish ate my come and that now they'll die?" I asked.

"I'm pretty sure that they will live, Boo." Harry pecked me on the lips, "besides, I don't think that they'll eat it." He winked at me, and I rolled my eyes.

"How nice of you."

***

After a couple hours in the water, Harry and I went inside to dry off because I, of course, got hungry again.

"How about we skype the kids after lunch, okay?" Harry suggested, and I nodded agreeingly, missing the kids already, even though Italy is great so far. Harry said that tomorrow we're taking the transit to Paris tomorrow, and then we can afterwards have sex on the beach if I'm still up to it.

Just as we said we would, after lunch we set up the laptop after getting dressed, and pulled up skype, then pressed on Zayn's icon, and immediately there was a ringing noise as we waited for Zayn to accept the call.

Zayn accepted on the third ring, "hello lovebirds, how's your honeymoon going to far?"

"Fantastic!" We answered in sync, and I giggled a bit.

"Wow, you two are already in sync. I trust that you two are using protection?" Zayn raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Zayn! We don't need to use protection, Louis' already pregnant," Harry answered before I could.

"Okay okay, don't need to tell me again. Now I take it you two want to talk to the kids," Zayn stated, not even needing to ask.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Lily Kyle, come here!" Zayn yelled, and almost immediately I heard their loud footsteps running downstairs, a sound that I missed already.

Instantly, Lily and Kyle popped in front of the screen.

As they fought to talk over each other, and finally began to tell their own stories of the day, and how they miss us, all that I can think is how much I love them, and how perfect everything is in that moment.

***

Sometime late in the evening, my back started to hurt, but I didn't decide to bother Harry about it until we were in bed, about to go to sleep.

"Hazza, my back hurts," I whined.

He hummed tiredly, but sat up anyways, "m'kay Boo, come here."

Sitting up as well I sat in his lap, and his large fingers began to massage the knots out of my back, and I moaned slightly, leaning into his touch.

"Feels good?" he asked.

"Yes," I nodded. "I... I know what I what to name the other baby."

His hands faltered a moment at the change in direction before continuing, "oh really? What do you want to name her?"

"Danika." I answered immediately.

I could feel his grin against my neck, "that's a beautiful name, babe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I know that the ending sort of sucks, but I tried! Anyways, I hope that you liked this chapter!


	22. The Park

"Harry, I can hold my own bags," I whined, reaching for my bags, but Harry shook his head, pulling my bags away from my reach.

"Nope, sorry love. You are pregnant with our two little princesses, and I don't want you to put any strain on your body, because then that can hurt the babies," Harry explained to me for the umpteenth time.

Sighing, I rolled my eyes, "can I at least grab the keys to open the front door to the house?"

"No, Zayn is opening it up for us, because we should surprise the kids, don't you think?" Harry tried reasoning with me.

"Okay, fine. I'm too tired to disagree with you at the moment, anyways," I mumbled, leaning against his side, and he wrapped an arm around my waist. Reaching out his other hand, he rang the doorbell, and it took a couple of minutes, but Perrie finally opened the front door, and her face was beyond surprised.

"Louis, Harry! Zayn is out picking the kids up from school like you wanted him to. Come one in how was your honeymoon!?" Perrie stepped out of the way so that Harry and I could walk in.

"It was very romantic, we went to Paris, and a lot of other cool places like the Eiffel Tower, and other french places that I can't even pronounce, so you'll have to ask Harry," I answered, closing the door behind Harry and I.

Perrie giggled, "have you two been fucking like little bunnies, and scarring the poor little princesses?"

"Perrie! Don't say that around the babies! They don't need to know that!"

Harry chuckled, "the babies don't understand a word Perrie just said, and even if they did it's not like they'll start cursing immediately."

"Oh, I almost forgot to ask! Did you two pick out names yet for the twins?"

I nodded, "Dakota, and Danika."

"Two D's, how ironic, anyways, their names are so adorable!" Perrie exploded.

"Thanks," I mumbled, ignoring her innuendo entirely.

The door clicked as it was unlocked, and it swung open. A surprised Zayn walked in as well as Lily and Kyle, since we told them that we wouldn't be home until late at night. Of course we lied to surprise them, and we did a pretty damn good job of it.

"Papa! Daddy! You're back!" Lily and Kyle yelled in sync, dropping their bags, and running up to Harry and I.

"We missed you so much, so we made you cards!" Kyle said excitedly.

"Aw, I can't wait to see them, Ky. We missed you both a lot too," I grinned.

"Okay, so your Daddy and I agreed that we all should go out to the park today, even though it isn't Saturday. Is that okay with you two?" Harry asked later that afternoon.

Lily nodded excitedly, "yes, I totally agree we should go. We haven't had any face time for like a week."

I rolled my eyes fondly at her choice of words, "of course. You want to go too Ky?"

Kyle nodded excitedly, "absolutely!"

Harry chuckled, picking up Kyle, "okay then, let's go get your shoes on."

***

A bit more than fifteen minutes later, Lily, Kyle, Harry, and I were heading to the park.

"Daddy, did you know that baby Ryan can talk to aliens?" Kyle asked me as if it was the most casual thing in the world.

I raised an eyebrow, "is that so, and who told you that?"

"Lily told me-" Kyle started, only to be cut off by Lily.

"And I got told by Niall," Lily interjected her own statement.

"Well that's interesting, because I heard that baby Ryan can talk to animals too," Harry answered, and I would have totally would have thought he was telling the truth if this was any other topic.

Kyle's eyes widened as large about as they can get. "Really!? Is this true, Daddy?"

"Yes, it is, Ky. Totally and entirely true," I answered sarcastically, although he really couldn't tell, since he isn't one to pick up on sarcasm usually.

The topic was dropped almost immediately as we came closer to the park.

"I'll race you there, Lily!" Kyle yelled at the top of his lungs.

"You are so on!" she yelled back before taking off without even warning Kyle.

"That's not fair!" Kyle all but whined, "Papa, tell her that it's not fair because she cheated!"

However, Harry only shook his head, "she didn't cheat at all, go catch up to her so that you actually have a chance at winning. At least then you can say that you tried."

Nodding, Kyle took off running as fast as his short legs would carry him.

"I think I gave him some pretty good advice," Harry nodded to himself.

Snorting, I rolled my eyes, "yeah sure whatever." I watched as Kyle attempted to make it to Lily, but Lily's legs were a lot longer than his, giving her more of an advantage.

"You know it's good advice, you just don't want to admit it," Harry chuckled, wrapping an arm around my torso. "And also I have something to tell you."

"And what would that be?" I asked, leaning tiredly against his side. Since we wanted to get here earlier, we had to wake up earlier to catch an earlier flight, and even though I slept through most of it, I'm still tired as Hell.

Harry hesitated a moment before answering, "I'm starting chemotherapy next week... but Louis, what if it doesn't work?"

I nodded, choosing my answer carefully, "well at least then you can say that you have tried it, and we can try a different technique."

For a few moments, nothing was said between us, but then Harry answered, eyes shining with amusement, "you stole my advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Sorry if it's not as long, and if it's boring, but the next chapter is going to be a lot better, I promise! Sorry for the long update, too! I will try another update tomorrow, and see what happens, anyways, I love you all!


	23. Together

It's been a month since Harry has started his chemotherapy, and things have been going okay-ish. He gets super nauseous afterwards, and he's tired all the time, but he's not coughing as badly as he was before, so I can't help but think that it's working to some degree.

Although he gets cranky, and snaps at me, I put up with him, because I end up doing the same to him when I'm pregnant, so I can't complain really.

All that I have to say is that I am really grateful that Harry is seemingly getting better, and that's all that matters.

Well, at least I thought that he was getting better.

***

Instead of being awaken by Harry's soft kisses in the morning, I was awakened by Harry's frantic pacing, and it was late at night.

"Hazza?" I managed to say around a yawn. "What's wrong?"

Harry froze, his voice came out even, but I could tell that he wasn't okay, "I'm just fine, Boo go back to sleep."

Frowning, I shook my head and got out of bed, "Haz, what's going on?" I asked, turning on the light, only for it to be turned off by Harry's frantic hands.

"No, leave it off. You wouldn't want to see me right now," Harry said, panicking slightly.

"Harry-"

"Leave it off! Can't you fucking listen to me!?" Harry yelled, and I bit my lip to hold back any words that threatened to come out. Sighing, Harry took a step back, "sorry, I'm just freaking out a lot right now."

"I can tell. Harry, come on and talk to me. Tell me what's wrong, and what I can do to help you." I said calmly, despite my nerves being everywhere at the moment.

A bitter chuckle left his lips, and his voice came out as no more than a whisper, "it's not something you can fix it."

"Harry, I never said that I would fix it. I said that I will help you, and I mean it," I answered.

"Louis," Harry said so quietly that I nearly didn't hear him. "My... my hair is falling out." He said it as if it was the worse thing in the world.

"Haz, you're on chemotherapy, it's bound to happen. Besides, it can't look that bad if it just started coming out," I tried reasoning with him.

"You don't get it!" Harry sighed in frustration, and began pacing again. "What if I go bald and you won't love me anymore because I look ugly, so we get a divorce?"

"Harry, you would have had done something pretty damn bad for me to not love you anymore, but you didn't and I will always love you, curls or no curls. It doesn't matter to me, love. You are my husband, and you losing some of your hair isn't going to change that for me," I answered, crossing my arms across my chest.

"How do you know? You haven't even seen my hair yet," Harry said defensively.

"I know, because I fell in love with the person on the inside, Harry, based on you, not your looks. I didn't fall in love with your looks, that came afterwards." I answered, standing my ground.

Harry was quiet for a few moments, before the light came on. I saw Harry's sheepish face looking at the carpeted floor instead of me. In his hands were a few of his curls, not many. At first glance his hair looks just fine, but when I looked closer, I could see in some areas where his hair was thinner, but it didn't look as bad as he thought it was.

"Hazza, your hair looks just fine," I said honestly.

"Don't lie to make me feel better," he mumbled.

"I'm not. It only looks like it's thinning in some places, but that's it, Haz." I answered, taking his hands into mine, ignoring the fact that a couple of his curls were in either of his hands.

Harry studied my face for a couple of seconds before pecking me on the lips, "I love you, Boo."

"Love you too, Haz," I whispered.

***

The next night, I wasn't awakened by Harry's pacing, but instead by Harry's heavy breathing. It sounded as if he couldn't get enough air into his lungs. Small pained whimpers left his throat when he breathed in deeply, and I quickly sat up, and faced him.

"Hazza, are you okay?" I asked carefully.

Harry's face was a dark red, and he made panicky gestures at his throat, no words left his mouth, no matter how hard he tried.

"It's okay, Hazza, calm down. It'll be okay. Just calm down, just calm down, and it'll be okay." I said, tears forming in my eyes as I saw Harry writhe in pain. Quickly picking up the phone, I dialed the paramedics.

***

That was how Lily, Kyle, and I ended up in the waiting room of the hospital at three in the morning. Kyle was absolutely sobbing into my shoulder, while Lily was allowing her tears to silently slip down her cheeks as I rubbed both of their backs.

"It's okay, Papa is going to be okay, I promise," I whispered, holding back my own tears.

With a shaky hand, Lily took hold of my own, her voice was slightly rough, "Daddy, it's okay to be wrong sometimes, and it's okay to cry. You can't always be strong for us even if you try. You are allowed to cry too."

As soon as she said her last word, I let the dam break, and held Lily and Kyle close to me, burying my face into Lily's hair, and crying shamelessly.

That was the moment when I realized that I didn't always have to be strong for the kids, because they were going through the very same pain that I was going through, and hiding it from them wouldn't do anything but hurt to them

When people were staring at us pityingly, I didn't care, because Lily, Kyle and I are all still together, and that's all that mattered to me right then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: HIHI! I UPDATED LIKE I PROMISED! LOVE YOU ALL!!!


	24. Complications To Stay Alive

It was early in the morning, and Kyle was already asleep, leaning into my side. Lily was trying to keep her eyes opened, and I stroked my hand through her dark hair.

"Daddy?" Lily asked quietly, her voice was small, tired.

"Yes princess?" My voice equalled hers.

"Will Papa be okay?"

"Of course he will be, princess. He would never leave without saying good bye to us." I assured her, "you should get some sleep, it may take awhile for the doctors to be done with Papa."

A small yawn escaped her, "don't wanna go to sleep, Daddy. I'll probably have bad dreams again, and I don't like bad dreams. I can stay awake and keep you company."

I nodded in agreement, knowing that I wasn't going to get any sleep either, "okay."

***

It was six in the morning when a tired looking doctor finally walked out of the double doors. "Visitors for Harry Styles?"

Kyle stayed asleep, and Lily picked up his sleeping form in her arms, since she knew I couldn't lift him while I was so heavily pregnant. The two of us stood up.

"Is he okay?" I asked.

The doctor's eyes held something akin to pity, and it was a look that I knew so well. It was the same grim look that the doctor gave me before telling me that my baby didn't make it eleven years back on November first twelve o' one AM.

My heart stopped a moment before I managed to whisper, "no, he's not dead."

The doctor's eyes widened, "no no of course not. I apologize if I gave you that impression. It's just, well," he paused and glanced at Lily for a moment before looking back at me, "just follow me to his room."

Nodding, Lily and I did as instructed, following the doctor to Harry's room.

The minute I saw Harry's pale figure laying in the bed, my heart clenched uncomfortably. There were breathing tubes in his nose, an IV in his arm, and a heart rate machine. But with every beep from the heart monitor, at least I knew that he was alive.

Harry's eyes were closed, and his chest steadily rose and fell with every breath he took. Lily set Kyle down in a chair, and stood beside Harry's bed. I watched as Lily played with a stray curl on Harry's pale forehead.

"Is he going to wake up?" I whispered, afraid that if I spoke anything above a whisper then I would end up crying all over again.

"Of course he is. That isn't the problem." The doctor spoke lowly, and gestured for me to walk out. With a last glance at Lily and Harry, I quietly stepped out, as did the doctor.  
"What was wrong with him?" I asked, almost afraid to hear his answer.

"Before I start, I must ask you if you are aware of your husband's lung cancer."

I nodded, "he started chemotherapy last month."

"Well, his lungs got too inflamed because of the lung cancer, which made it harder for him to breathe to the point where he could barely breathe. The little air that he was able to breathe in caused pain to his chest and back due to how inflamed his lungs were, there were some fluids in his pleural space that shouldn't have been there and had to be removed immediately. So it was good that you brought him here when you did. If you hadn't, then his lung would have collapsed." The doctor explained to me slowly.  
It took me a while to voice my question, "is he okay right now?"  
He nodded, "yes, he'll just need to stay here for a couple of weeks before he can go home. To help with his breathing, he will need to use an oxygen tank and that will probably help with the inflammation since it's not completely gone. It will help him to breathe better in general, due to his lung cancer."  
"And you're sure that it'll help him?" I asked.

"Positive, Mr. Styles." The doctor nodded.

I sighed, stifling a yawn, "okay, I would like to see him now, if you're done discussing my husband's... condition with me."

"Of course, he may not speak much since he's still in pain, but he's on painkillers for now." The doctor opened the door for me. "If anything happens, press that red button above his head, okay?"

Nodding my understanding, I walked back into Harry's hospital room.

The door closed behind me as I was met with the endearing sight of Kyle sitting on the edge of Harry's bed, leaning against Lily tiredly. Harry was awake and listening to the story that Lily was telling him.

"...Then Maleficent looked at her raven companion, skin burning from the metal, and her sight was getting delirious and said 'turn into a dragon,' mustering her strength to just voice those four words before all her energy left her..."

Harry's languid green eyes looked up into mine, and he gestured for me to come over, paying no attention to the words that Lily was saying.

My feet moved on their own accord, and I came to the side of the bed, carefully kneeling near Harry's head. Hand on my belly to keep it from colliding with the edge of the bed, I pecked Harry's slightly chapped lips.

"Everything's going to be okay, just like I said so," I whispered around the lump forming in my throat. Despite my attempts of keeping my tears stowed behind my eyelids, my hormones got the best of me, and a couple salty tears spilled over.

Harry's cold hand reached out to wipe away my tears, then he placed his hand over my hand that was resting against my baby bump, rubbing slightly.

With my other shaky hand, I began to stroke Harry's thinning hair almost compulsively.

"We're going to be okay," I promised him, laying my head against Harry's bed, we continued to stare into each other's eyes, having silent conversations as Lily continued her retell of the movie Maleficent.

"...The moment that Maleficent got her large black wings back, a new found hope filled her dark heart, and she knew that there was a possibility that she could be able to make it out alive with her beloved Aurora, and loyal bird companion Diablo. Inside her, there was a sense of completeness. But little did she know that wings weren't all she needed for them to escape, even if they did help."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hi! Yes, I know I probably ruined the movie Maleficent for you if you haven't watched it yet, but it's my favorite movie, and it gets across the message I'm trying to portray! Anyways, yay Harry's not dead! Love you all! I hope you like the chapter! And by the way, I'm not a doctor, sorry, so I'm not sure if everything the doctor told Louis is correct from a medical point of view, so don't use this at all for reference.


	25. Different Colors of Love

The doctor told me that I may need to help Harry around the house now that he has the oxygen tank. Of course I wouldn't mind helping Harry since he has to adjust to something new, being the oxygen tank.

He also said that it would be wise to make sure that Harry doesn't do anything that will make his breath rate pick up, including sex, unfortunately, lifting heavy things, including me, exercise of any kind, and anything else along those lines. He's not allowed to drive until he gets used to the oxygen tank.

Now, instead of Harry getting up early to make breakfast, it's me who has to do it, not that I mind that much.

Stifling a yawn with my hand, I got up and slipped my wedding ring onto my ring finger before tiredly making my way downstairs.

As I took out a package of bacon, and some eggs, I could hear the faint melody of a piano drifting from upstairs. Placing the strips of bacon into a pan, I turned the stove on.

I heardsomeone's heavy footsteps, and knew it was Harry since Kyle is still playing his piano, and Lily's footsteps are much lighter.

There was a soft clank, then I felt large hands on my baby bump, and Harry's body against my back. Sighing, I relaxed in his hold as Harry pecked the top of my head.

"Love you, Boo," Harry murmured instead of a good morning.

"Love you too, my husband," I said, turning to peck his cheek before going back to flip the bacon.

"I would say that breakfast smells good, but I really can't smell through these damn breathing tubes."

I sighed, placing a hand over mine if Harry's, "language, Haz."

"Sorry," Harry mumbled, though it didn't really sound like he meant it, which I doubt that he did.

"It's okay. How'd you sleep?" I asked as I flipped over the bacon once more, which was popping with grease.

"Fine... I dreamed about you," he mumbled lowly into my ear.

"Oh really, what was it about?"

"Well, let's just say that it's one of those dreams that you don't want me to discuss around the twins." Harry answered nonchalantly, pressing his hips into my bum.

"I- I know what you're trying to do," I squeaked out flustered.

"Do you really?" Harry murmured against my ear, lightly biting at the cartilage at the tip.

I cleared my throat, "Harry stop that right now. You can seduce me all you want once you get used to your oxygen tank. Got it?"

Harry sighed, "fine, fine... but once I do, I am going to fuck you so hard that you won't be able to sit for weeks."

I gasped, "language!"

***

"I just ordered new sound equipment for the studio today. Niall accidentally spilled tea all over it, go figure. But anyways, it's going to be shipped here in about a couple of weeks," Harry told me later that afternoon.

"M'kay," I mumbled, turning to face him, burying my head into the hollow of his neck.

"Louis, why can't I even make breakfast?" Harry asked, slightly whining.

"Because it's hazardous, and your breathing tube could catch on fire if it's too close to the stove," I answered.

He snorted, "Lou, you and I both know that will never happen."

"No, you really don't know that," I mumbled, sleepily closing my eyes.

I wasn't able to catch Harry's next question because I was already asleep.

***

The next day when Harry needed to pee and I helped him, I could tell that he was frustrated. However, he surprisingly didn't answer, and just grunted out his response.

***

(Harry's p.o.v.)

It's been exactly two weeks of Louis 'taking care' of me. It is getting so fucking annoying, because I can't even take a piss or shower without him having to help me.

I don't need help with everything now, but Louis still insists on helping.

Granted I know that I was just in the hospital two weeks and a day ago, but he needs to keep in mind that he's pregnant with our two princesses, Dakota and Danika, and I don't want him to end up hurting them.

I love him, God I love him, but he really needs to tone it down a bit.

***

A dull, but loud crash sounded from downstairs. I knew that it was Louis since the kids are at school, and Louis and I are the only ones in the house.

Against the doctor's orders, I quickly got up, grabbed my oxygen tank, and all but ran downstairs.

"Louis, are you-" I stopped in my tracks as I was met with an infuriating sight. Louis had a large box in his hands, and two others were in the living room already.

"What the Hell do you think you're doing!?" I yelled.

Jumping slightly, Louis dropped the box, and it landed haphazardly on the floor, tipping over in the process.

"I- I'm sorry Harry, there's a w-warrant on the equipment so that-" Louis started, but I quickly cut him off.

"That's not what I fucking meant!"

Louis frowned, "what's wrong Haz?"

"What's wrong?" I snorted, "I get an oxygen tank, and you act like I'm fucking disabled!"

"Well I'm pregnant, and you act like I'm disabled too," Louis countered, raising his voice, but keeping his cool.

"But it's not the same Louis! You are carrying our babies! Two living, breathing, girls that will grow up and one day learn to just be themselves! This tank that I have is nothing compared to that!"

"You think I don't know that?" Louis raised a challenging eyebrow, his voice was cool and steady, daring me to continue.

"No, but you sure are acting like it! You're just like 'oh, I'm carrying a two babies, but it wouldn't affect them at all if I went and carried around this heavy sound equipment!" I paused to make a wild hand gesture at the boxes. "Nope, it doesn't matter at all, it's not like you can just have a miscarriage, and lose the fucking babies! What kind of a parent are you!? This is not like the situation with Carter, where you had no control over his death! All the twins have to survive is you, because they're in your Goddamn stomach! If you lose them, then it's your Goddamn fault! Not mine at all!"

I could see Louis' eyes tear up, and I ignored the stab of guilt that went through me.

"Don't say that," Louis whispered.

"Say what, the truth? Well guess what, the truth hurts, deal with it," I crossed my arms across my chest.

"No," Louis said firmly. "Don't make it sound like I don't give a damn about any of this, because I do. I know that I have my responsibilities as a pregnant parent, and I am trying my best. It's not right of you to go and throw it back in my face, because where were you all those months ago? You weren't here then-"

"But that was then and this is now. I am here now, which you don't seem to appreciate much, since people always come and go out of your life. You should feel grateful that I actually came back."

As Louis but his bottom lip to hold back his tears, I knew that I went too far with that comment.

"You know what Harry? Just because I'm the pregnant one, and you're the more dominant one in bed, doesn't mean that I can't take care of you. Remember, you're the one with the deadly disease called cancer, not me. I could give in to this argument, and say something mean back, but I don't want this to drag out."

Without another word exchanged between us, Louis walked up the stairs.

The moment he left, was the moment when I felt truly terrible for what I said.

***

"I'm so sorry," I whisper quietly later that night.

"For what?" Louis whispered so quietly that I almost didn't catch the two words.

"For yelling... and for some of what I said."

"Then I'm sorry too," Louis said, still facing away from me.

"But I yelled first."

"And I yelled second. No one was physically hurt," Louis answered bitterly.

"No, but I hurt you mentally and emotionally."

Louis didn't answer, so I said the first word that came to mind, "sorry."

"I know." Louis mumbled.

Wrapping my arms around him, I placed my hands over his baby bump, "I really mean it."

"I know, never doubted it," Louis relaxed into my hold, snuggling closer.

"I love you, Boo."

"Love you too, Haz," Louis said sleepily.

***

"Okay, so listen when Daddy comes home from getting groceries, we're going to tell him that we have a present for him and the babies. We'll tell him to go lay down in our room, then we go upstairs with the harmless non-toxic paint. We say that we love him, and paint his tummy, and give him lots of hugs and kisses. Think that we can do it?" I asked.

Kyle nodded, saluting dramatically, "yes Sargent Papa."

"Sir, yes sir!" Lily yelled back.

"Okay then, do we have three paintbrushes?"

"Check!" Kyle and Lily yelled in sync.

"Water cups?"

"Check!" They answered.

"The extremely harmless non-toxic paint?"

"Check!" They answered once again.

I chuckled, "okay then my little minions, prepare yourselves for a load of creativity!"

Lily giggled, "really Papa? Your little minions?"

"Yes, my little minions, now you two are gonna make your Papa proud, and your Daddy happy, understood?"

Like before, they answered in unison, "yes Papa."

***

The moment the door opened, Lily and Kyle were there waiting for Louis to walk in. "Hi Daddy!" Lily and Kyle greeted, excitedly hugging Louis around the waist.

"Hey you two, what are you up to?" Louis asked.

"We have a -" Lily started, but Kyle immediately cut her off.

"No! I wanna say it!"

Lily glared at him, and Kyle glared right back.

"Here, how about you both tell me at the same time," Louis suggested.

They exchanged another glare before smiling and nodding again, "okay, so... we have a present for you and the babies!"

"Okay, what is it?" Louis asked, closing the door as he got in.

"Well..." Kyle smiled slyly, "you can't get it until you go upstairs and lay in your and Papa's bed."

Lily frowned, "that came out slightly wrong, but you get the point. Here let me take these bags for you."

Grinning slightly, Louis handed the bags to Lily, "okay, here you go. Thank you, Lily. I guess that I'll be upstairs."

Without hesitating, Louis went upstairs, and Lily and Kyle walked back into the kitchen, Lily holding two bags. She placed them on the counter. "Phase one complete, and groceries received, now time for phase two."

I nodded, "okay my little minions, each of you take a paintbrush, and two jars of paint, I've got the water cups, other paint, and extra paintbrushes."

Kyle and Lily listened to my instructions, "sir yes sir!"

"Now, move out to Sargent Daddy's quarters. And be careful on your way up, okay?"

It wasn't long before Lily Kyle and I made it upstairs and to Louis and I's room. Just as Lily and Kyle told him, Lily was laying in the bed, sitting up slightly so that he could see us come in. His face lit up.

"Paint?"

Kyle nodded, exclaiming excitedly, "now you need to pull up your shirt so that we can paint on your tummy! Love you Daddy!"

Louis chuckled, "love you too, Ky. I love you all." His blue eyes looked into all of ours before he pulled up his shirt. "Now get to creating, you three have a lo of space to fill up."

Half an hour later, Kyle painted some kind of an alien, and Lily had painted a bunch of flowers and rainbows, insisting that Danika and Dakota wouldn't like aliens.

I pecked Louis' cheek, and he grinned, pecking my own cheek. Grabbing a smaller paintbrush, I dipped it in red before painting a small heart on Louis' cheek, right over where I had previously kissed him.

"I love you, I'm sorry that I hurt you yesterday. I was really concerned about the twins, and I really shouldn't have confronted you like I did." I whispered into his ear, wholeheartedly.

"I forgive you, Hazza," he whispered back. "Those that you love the most are usually the ones that you hurt the most."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey! I hope that you like the chapter! It's a lot longer, yay! Also in the previous chapter remember when Harry was in the hospital and Louis was in the waiting room? Well I said this 'The doctor's eyes held something akin to pity, and it was a look that I knew so well. It was the same grim look that the doctor gave me before telling me that my baby didn't make it eleven years back on November first twelve o' one AM.' When he was referring to his baby, he was referring to Carter, just to clear that up.
> 
> Anyways, love you all!


	26. Danika and Dakota

(Louis' p.o.v.)

I felt a small sharp pain in my stomach, but as I lightly placed my hand against the spot, it slowly faded away. Sighing in relief, I snuggled closer into Harry.

However, the sharp pain returned less than an hour later slightly stronger, and my eyes watered from the pain. I knew it wasn't a Braxton Hicks since it came back.

Exhaling softly, I shook Harry's shoulder, whispering his name repeatedly. "Hazza, p-please wake up."

Harry cracked his eyes open, "what's wrong Boo?"

"The- the twins are c-coming," I whimpered as there was another contraction that engulfed me completely in pain. A hand lightly stroke my hair, and I leaned into the touch as the pain started to subside.

"Lou, it's going to be okay, just stay here. I'll get your bag, then we'll get in the car and go. While I'm getting the bag can you call Zayn, love?" Harry asked me, handing me the phone.

I nodded, dialing Zayn's number with shaking hands as Harry hurried out.

Zayn picked up on the second ring, "Lou?" His sleepy voice asked.

"Z-Zayn having c-contractions, co-me w-watch the ki-ds." I stuttered through the pain of another contraction.

There was a bunch of rustling on the other side, but Zayn kept talking, "don't worry Lou I'll be over very soon. Keep breathing okay? You've done this how many times now, four? In through your nose, out through your mouth."

"Ok-ay," I hiccuped. Just as I did, a strong contraction hit me, but after that for a brief moment there was nothing. Then I felt a big kick, and a slight pop, then a liquid was soaking through my boxers, trickling down my legs.

"Louis!" Zayn called out. "Are you okay?"

"W-water br-oke, Z," I choked out, placing a hand over my stomach.

I heard Zayn hiss out a curse, "stay there and wait for Harry. I'm on my way right now, just keep breathing."

As I exhaled a shaky breath just as Harry rushed back in, his oxygen tank was in it's carrier, and my overnight bag was in his hands. Harry, defying the doctor's rules again, quickly but carefully picked me up.

"It's okay Boo, we're going to be there soon," Harry assured me calmly, quickly he rushed down the stairs. Turning my face into Harry's chest, I sniffled and stifled a sob as a stronger contraction hit me.

He carefully set me in the passenger side of the car. "Everything is going to be okay, Lou," he murmured before shutting my door and going to his side of the car.

Harry climbed into the driver' side, and I would have commented on how it was still dangerous for him to drive, but I was in too much pain to care.

Once the pain subsided some, I reached out my shaking hand, hoping that Harry would grab it. Harry reached down his large hand, and wrapped it around mine, squeezing it once. "You're okay, Boo. The twins are going to be okay, and in a few hours we'll get to hold little Dakota and Danika in our arms, okay?"

I whimpered, "t-too ea-rly."

"It's okay Lou... Carter was born early too, remember? And he still survived, babe, the twins will be okay. You're doing so good right now, love." Harry answered, stroking his thumb over my knuckles.

Breathing in through my nose, and out through my mouth, I knew that it was going to be alright as another painful contraction took its toll.

***

"Mr. Tomlinson, you can't give birth like you did with your other three children. You need a cesarean section right now, because the twins aren't in the right position for birth. If we wait any longer, they could die," the surgeon explained urgently, yet calmly.

"Get-t our bab-ies out, p-please," I begged to him, pain laced tears rolling down my cheeks while my hand crushed Harry's.

Harry thumbed away one of my cheeks, "he needs your consent to do a c-section."

Whimpering, I nodded, "okay."

***

I didn't open my eyes when I woke up, and I was listening to what was going on around me, trying to remember what had happened. There was a small cry, and I heard Kyle's small shush, and I heard Lily's small voice.

"Sh, it's okay Danika. Daddy's going to wake up soon."

Gasping, everything from last night came flooding back into my head, the pain, the assuring, the twins. The last thing that I remember was giving my consent for the c-section.

Opening my eyes, I placed a careful hand over my flat stomach, and slight pain radiated from the incision. Sucking in a deep breath, I winced slightly, and Harry kissed my forehead in relief.

"Boo, how are you feeling?" he asked quietly.

"M'tummy hurts bit," I slurred slightly.

Harry carded his hand through my hair, and I leaned into his touch. "Okay. Just hold still, love. The doctor said that he'd be back soon to ask you questions, he'll probably give you more painkillers then."

"Twins okay?" I asked, remembering how close I was to losing them.

"Yes Boo, they are just fine. Slightly under developed, but that's it. They're healthy, and alive," Harry assured me, cupping the side of my face and resting his forehead against my own.

There was a cry that rang through the room, and this time Kyle hushed the baby, "do you want Daddy?"

"Help my sit up Hazza?" I asked.

"Of course," Harry grinned, placing his hands on my back and chest to help my up carefully.

Stifling a yawn, I motioned for Kyle and Lily to come over. Lily was holding a dark haired baby that was asleep and sucking her thumb. Kyle was holding a lighter haired baby with less hair. "Hey Lily and Kyle. So tell me who's who."

"I have Danika," Lily explained.

"And I have Dakota," Kyle answered next. "But she doesn't really like me much."

"That's not true. She's just cranky because she's had a long night, and she wants her daddy, because she doesn't know who's holding her," I reassured him lightly. "Here give her to me?"

Nodding, Kyle handed me Dakota. She was so small, and nearly weightless in my arms. When she whined a bit, I lad a gentle peck on her forehead. "It's okay, Dakota. I'm your Daddy, and this is your Papa. That's Kyle and Lily, you brother and sister. Lily is holding your other sister, Danika. You'll always be safe with us no matter what, because we'll always love you."

***

Zayn was making weird faces at Danika to see if he could make her giggle, but all he did was make her pout from around her thumb.

"Don't traumatize the poor girl, Zayn, here give her to me," I motioned to him.

Sighing, he carefully gave Danika to me, who was slightly bigger than her twin, and older by five minutes.

"Hey there Danika, is Uncle Zayn over there bothering you?" I asked her as if expecting an answer, which she of course didn't give one, but I do have her attention, since her green eyes were peering up into mine. "I know he can really get on your nerves, but don't worry. When you get used to him, he's really not that bad." I lightly tapped her nose with my pointer finger.

Danika crossed her eyes in attempts to see her small nose, then took her thumb out of her mouth, and made a gurgling sound before wrapping her hand around my pointer finger.

I grinned at her just as the door bursted open, and my grin dropped instantly.

When Danika started to suck on my own pointer finger, I could have cared less because my attention wasn't on Danika anymore, but instead it was on my mum that had just entered the room.

My heart clenched uncomfortably, "what are you doing here?"

"I've come to apologize."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Sort of cliffhanger? But eeek twins are here! I had to Google literally everything about c-sections, and contractions, and pain and all that, so this took awhile to update. But anyways, I hope that you loved the chapter!


	27. Percentages

My mum's eyes were watery, and I wondered if it was because of hormones, or allergies, but I instinctively held Danika closer.

"But... why now?" I asked. "Why fourteen years later when I have my own family now? They didn't need to accept me, because they already loved me, and all I had to do was love them back.

"It's never too late to ask for an apology," mum said.

"No, but after awhile of waiting, it makes it that much harder to accept it." I glared at her.

She bit her lip. "I don't have any excuses for how I have been. But I haven't been acting right towards you at all. Just because you're gay doesn't mean that I should love you any less."

"And how did you just now come to this conclusion?" I asked, pulling my finger out of Danika's mouth, and she whimpered, trying to put my finger back in her mouth, but I didn't let her. Pecking the top of her head, I shushed her.

"Because... Lottie decided that she likes girls, and she was so scared to tell me, but I told her that I didn't love her any differently now than I did before. I realized that I shouldn't have reacted the way that I did towards you, Lou."

Looking over to Harry, I saw him watching us carefully, making sure that no wrong moves were made, "Haz, can you hold Danika for me?"

Nodding, he carefully took her from my arms, and she stared up at Harry, sucking her thumb.

"How is Lottie doing?" I whispered.

"Good... very good. She's dating someone right now, but she's confused as to why I wasn't so accepting of you and your... relationship with Harry."

"That's not all," I said quietly, and shook my head. "That's not all, and you know it. What about when I was pregnant and you kicked me out? Do you even remember that?"

*Flashback*

I stared at the pregnancy that held a positive.

"It's positive," I whispered to myself unable to believe that this was happening right now, right before graduation.

Sniffling, I placed a hand against my flat stomach, rubbing it slightly. I ran my other hand through my hair, fisting it tightly in my grip.

The phone in the hallway decided to ring in that moment, and I quickly pocketed the pregnancy test, despite the smell, to go answer it.

"Hello?" I sniffled.

My mum's voice came from the other end, "Lou, are you alright?"

I shook my head whimpering, "no mummy, can you p-please come home right now? I- I'm scared, and I don't kn-know what to d-do."

"Okay, don't worry Lou I will be there in five minutes, just calm down."

Five minutes later I laid on the couch, curling around my stomach protectively. And my Mum walked in, groceries in hand. She kneeled on the floor beside the couch, and stroked her fingers through my hair.

"What's wrong Lou Lou?" she whispered.

"Mummy, I'm p-pregnant," I sobbed, reaching my hands out for her, expecting a hug, however she removed her hand from my hair, and backed away from me, disgust was apparent on her face.

"What?" Her voice was harsh. "I know that I didn't raise a faggot under this roof."

I flinched slightly, and placed my hands over my stomach. "But-"

"Don't you dare but me. I am not going to raise a slut in this house, nor a queer. Get out right now, I don't care where the Hell you go, but just get the Hell out." My mum seethed at me.

"Fine then, you won't see me again," I whispered, getting up.

Little did I know then that I would stay true to my word for only three years.

(End flashback)

"Well do you!?" I asked again, slightly louder this time when my mum didn't answer. Harry laced his hand in my own, squeezing slightly.

"Yes, I remember. And I regret what I said to you that day, Lou. It wasn't right of me, and I'm sorry. I accept you, and your family, I don't even care that you're gay now. I was taking out my anger at your father on you, which was something that I shouldn't have done."

I shook my head as I felt a headache coming on, "mum, I'll need time to think about it. But please, I can't deal with this right now. Mum, I just got my first c-section, and had two babies. I'll make my decision on whether or not I forgive you, later. Right now, I'll just have to call you back later."

Pressing her lips into a thin line, my mum nodded, "okay, I'll be expecting that call later then."

When I didn't answer, she walked out, and when she did I could breathe a little easier knowing that things between us might be okay.

***

It's been a month since I've gotten out of the hospital.

Danika and Dakota are still completely healthy.

Dakota has an attraction with hair, and often pulls on everyone elses' hair.

Danika refuses to use her pacifier, preferring her thumb, or someone elses' fingers. So as you can imagine, we need to keep our hands clean.

As I promised, I called my mum and we met up for ice-cream and talked, really talked. She understands that she did wrong, and now she's trying to make things better, but I understand that she can't be the only one to do the work. I have to try, because the one person that I have always wanted acceptance from, is offering me a chance.

Right now Harry is at an appointment. He should be back soon, but Zayn is still helping me until he does come back, because Harry doesn't want to leave me alone with the kids until my incision from the c-section is fully healed.

In other words, I have to watch the babies, and Zayn does everything else, as Harry puts it.

Danika is sleeping right now, her baby monitor was on, and Dakota is having tummy time right now on the play mat. Of course I was watching her like a hawk to make sure no one stepped on her.

The door opened, and Harry walked in, an excited grin on his face. "I have good news."

Picking Dakota up, I carefully walked over to Harry, and wrapped my arm around his waist. "And what would that be, love?"

"The doctors found a way to get rid of the cancer... but I have a seventy five percent of surviving the surgery for it, and there's an eighty percent chance that the cancer will spread afterwards."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So what are your thoughts, and what do you think Louis will think about this surgery? And do you think that Harry will actually go through with it?


	28. A Battle Is Won

"But Harry you can't. The percent of the cancer spreading is too high," I said, burying my face into his neck, Dakota cooed from my arms.

Harry carefully wrapped his arms around me, "Louis it's a chance, and a risk that I could take. What if the chemotherapy doesn't work, what then?"

"Harry..." I sighed. "Can't you wait for the surgery though, if the chemo does fail?"

He shook his head, "no, because I'm in the early stage of lung cancer, it makes the surgery easier to do. The cancer hasn't spread as much as it could, so they only have to remove some parts of my lungs for the surgery, then it'll be gone."

"But then it can come back, and spread even more! What will happen then?" My last sentence came out as a whisper.

Sighing, he pecked my forehead, and avoided the topic, "do you want us to talk it out with the Lily and Kyle, and see what they say?"

"I guess that we could. After all, this will affect them too." I shrugged.

"We can talk about that later though. How were the twins today?" Harry asked, looking down at Dakota, and lightly rubbed his thumb against one of her chubby cheeks.

Blinking up at Harry, Dakota smiled widely and screeched happily, showing off her bare gums.

My eyes widened slightly, "Haz, she smiled!"

"Come to Papa, Hon." Harry grinned widely, and carefully took Dakota into his arms, supporting her tiny heard with his larger hand. "Hey baby, were you being good today for your Daddy?"

Dakota gurgled in response, and Harry chuckled. "Of course you were. Was Dani nice to you too?"

Instead of a verbal response, she reached up and buried her hand in Harry's curls, and gave a sharp tug, a small 'ooo' left her lips as she did. Harry winced, and I quickly reached up, gently uncurling Dakota's fingers from Harry's hair. Her fingers instantly curled around my finger instead.

From the baby monitor at my hip, I could hear Danika's small cry, and I placed a quick peck on Harry's lips before carefully making my way to the nursery that Zayn had painted a green and blue swirly pattern on the wall.

Walking over to Danika's crib, I carefully picked her up in my arms, and lightly rocked her. "Sh it's okay Dani. Daddy's here."

Danika immediately grabbed my pointer finger, and sucked it into her mouth, which instantly silenced her cries. Blinking, she cuddled into my chest and continued staring into my eyes.

"Papa's back, maybe he'll feed you if he feels like it. He's been really tired you know. If he's too tired then I'll feed you. Sound good?"

She cooed from around my finger, and I nodded, "of course it sounds good, you just want your food. Let's go ask Papa then."

***

Lily and Kyle were exceptionally quiet, Dakota was in my lap, and Danika was in Harry's. Even though we offered him to stay for dinner, Zayn had to go home to Perrie since she wasn't feeling so good today.

Harry cleared his throat, "Lily and Kyle, your Daddy already discussed this already, but I would like to get your opinions as well. There is a surgery that I can go through that will get rid of my cancer. I have a seventy-five percent chance of surviving, but there is also an even higher chance that the cancer will come back and spread as well."

Lily automatically spoke, "no. We just got you back, and this surgery could take you away from us again."

"It could, but it couldn't as well. If you guys don't want me to get the surgery, then I won't, but I just want you guys to know that there is an alternative."

Kyle shook his head, "it's meaningless to get it, and the cancer only spreads, Papa."

Harry nodded, "okay."

And that was that, except it really wasn't.

***

That morning I woke up to a cold and empty bed, and pulled the blanket tighter around me. There wasn't the smell of food that I would usually wake up to, since I still didn't allow Harry to cook.

Frowning, I sat up and yawned. "'Arry?"

I was met with no reply, and quickly got out of bed, even though my stitches protested at my movements, I ran downstairs, and in the kitchen was when I found the note.

'Sorry Lou and kids,

I know that I said okay, but it is my body over all, and therefore my choice.

You'll know where to find me.

Love you all, and see you soon,

Harry/ Papa'

***

"So Zayn can you watch the twins please? I don't want them to get sick in the hospital," I sniffled, phone up to my ear.

"Of course Lou. You know you can't drive with stitches in, because you don't want them to rip." Zayn said as there was shuffling on the other line.

I sighed, "okay then, can you drive us there, drop Lily, Kyle, and I, then drive the twins back and stay with them?"

"Okay, sounds like a plan. You sure you'll be okay though?"

"Yes Zayn, just hurry and get over here please."

***

Bouncing my leg, I sat back in my chair, Kyle is leaning against me, as is Lily.

"Why can't Papa just listen?" Lily asked.

I shook my head, "because he wants to get what he wants when he wants it. He wants to be strong... to be better."

"But it makes Papa even stronger to fight through the cancer," Kyle answered.

"Yes, but that's not how he sees it."

***

A doctor walked in, "his heart had stopped during the surgery because of the blood loss."

My hands shook, and I could feel the pressure of tears behind my eyes, however that stopped once the doctor continued.

"But my team was able to revive him again. He's had a blood transfusion, and any parts of his lungs that were infected with cancer were removed. You are aware that the cancer can appear again, but right now, all the tests show that he's cancer- free."

Harry had chosen to fight his own battle a different way, and he had won, at least for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey! Cancer free Harry for now! Woot Woot! Hoped that you like the chapter, and sorry if it's a bit rushed. Anyways, I am going on a camping trip starting tomorrow, and I won't be able to update for a couple of weeks, so I'm sorry! But I didn't leave you on a cliffhanger like I could have! Anyways, love you all!


	29. Puzzle Pieces Pieced Together

When the kids and I walked into Harry's room, Harry's smile held traces of guilt as he waved a bit.

Crossing my arms, I mustered my most menacing glare, "Harold Edward Styles, what do you have to say for yourself now?"

"Well first of all, you look hot when your mad, but I'm guessing that's probably not what you meant. I'm cancer- free, and don't need that stupid oxygen tank anymore. Even though I probably look like crap right now, excuse my french, I feel like I'm free."

Sighing, I bit my bottom lip, and kept my mouth shut, because, well, who was I to argue against that?

***

"Harry, you could have died," I mumbled into Harry's chest the night after he got discharged from the hospital.

He shrugged, tightly but carefully, mindful of my stitches, wrapped his arms around my waist. "But I didn't."

"I know-" a yawn interrupted my speech. "But you really could have. Even though you didn't die, there's still a possibility that it will come back." I said, tiredly closing my eyes.

"But it might not Boo, you don't really know that."

My reply came out as a whisper, "neither do you." I paused to cuddle further into him, but only ended up repeating myself. "It could happen, you don't know if it will or won't." My voice wavered on the last word.

Shushing me, Harry ducked his head to press feather light kisses down my neck, which quite effectively calmed me down. However, I yelped at the sensation when Harry hiked up my shirt around my armpits to wrap his lips around my sensitive nipple, sucking lightly. Instead of me using my hands to lace them in his hair to pull him closer, I used them to push him away.

"Harry what are you doing?" I groaned out when he pulled away, and my nipple perked up as Harry gently blew on it.

"I'm trying to relieve stress from my beautifully, sexy, husband by making love to you." Harry said innocently, green eyes peering at me.

I shook my head, "can't until both our stitches are gone, and you know that."

"But that''s not fair!" Harry exclaimed a little too loudly, because just as he said that the twins began to cry.

Shrugging, I pulled my shirt back down and over my stomach and got up out of our bed. "No one ever said that life was supposed to be fair. Otherwise it would b so much easier, but it's just not."

***

It's been a month, and according to Harry's doctor, there hasn't been any signs of the lung cancer so far, and Harry was able to get his stitches taken out within that month. He was very sore after the procedure, so we had to be careful around him, even though he did his best to stay strong through it.

The twins are healthy, and continue to put smiles on everyone's faces.

***

During the second month, Harry was a lot better than his first. Even though the incision healed up just fine, that spot still just doesn't feel the same.

The twins have been developing more expressions, and they'll frown. They have even get hiccups now. The first time it happened, Kyle had thought that he did something wrong, but it wasn't his fault at all, as he now knows.

***

During the fifth month, was when Harry was finally given the okay for sex, as I was a month prior.

He wasted no time when he got home, and immediately ripped off my clothes, throwing my onto the bed, crushing his lips to mine, and viciously grinding against me.

Moaning and whimpering into each others mouth, Harry was true to his word, and quite enthusiastically fucked me into the damn mattress during all three rounds. And, well let's just say that we slept in that morning.

The twins can sit up on their own now. Now Dakota doesn't pull on people's hair anymore and is teething, so she instead chews on her pacifier, and toys. But Danika still sucks on her thumb and just about anyone's fingers she can get near her mouth, and hasn't started teething yet.

Damian decided to pick on Lily again, but he stopped once I had a word with his parents.

***

In month eight, Harry decided to give us a scare by passing out in the middle of nowhere. Turns out, it was just from dehydration. Now I make sure to monitor his drinking more often.

Harry wasn't the only one who gave us a scare, but Kyle was too.

He randomly puked during school, and complained about his head hurting a lot. He stayed out of school for a few days, all were spent in bed. Once he was well enough to go to school, he puked again.

This pattern continued for a couple of weeks, and I was worried that something was wrong with him.

We took him to the doctor, and they came to the conclusion that his puking was an effect of his stress. The doctor gave him some pills that he had to take for the remainder of the month.

Danika and Dakota both had their two top middle teeth.

They both crawl around and get into things, so as a result we had to baby proof everything.

***

It has been an official year later, and Harry's lung cancer still hadn't returned, so we decided to throw a party in the park and invite everyone.

Everyone came, even my mum, and for once, the puzzle pieces of my life were finally coming together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I'm back! I'm so sorry if this chapter sucks. I am super tired, and I feel like crap, but I still updated because I love you guys! One more chapter left then this is done!!!!


	30. Epilouge- Stay Together

(Lily's p.o.v.)

The twins say their first words in August, Danika said Daddy, and Dakota said Papa.

A week after, they had taken their first steps as well.

The doctors said that Papa was all clear, and the lung cancer wouldn't return, but even if it did Papa would still have an eighty percent chance of surviving.

It looks like the odds are in our favor now.

Kyle was a bit upset that he didn't get a brother, but now he isn't as upset anymore, especially because Danika has really taken a liking to him. She always wants to play with him and his alien toys. Dakota, however has taken more of a liking to me.

Uncle Zayn and Auntie Perry got married, and now Perry is pregnant.

Daddy, Papa, Uncle Zayn, Uncle Niall, and Uncle Liam used to have this day where they all hang out, so Aunt Perry and her mother, Miss Martha look after Ryan, Kyle, the twins, and I. Of course I always help them out a lot.

Unfortunately, we all suffered a loss when Miss Martha passed away.

She had a heart attack. With Auntie Perry pregnant, Uncle Zayn didn't want her to watch us alone, so they had to cancel their 'guys night' until Aunt Perry gave birth.

When she finally did give birth, she had a boy, whom they named Collin. So once again their guys night was back on, once Perry got out of the hospital, that is.

I have no idea what they do during their guys night, all I know is that it has to do with music.

Anyways, Daddy and Papa are getting along again, and say 'I love you' to each other more often.

Daddy doesn't cry much anymore, because now he's happy, but when he does cry, Papa is always there for him.

Kyle and I met Grandma, Daddy's Mummy, for the first time.

She was really nice to us, but we didn't see her again for a month. When we did, she brought her daughters, technically our aunties. That was when we met Auntie Lottie, Auntie Fizzy, Auntie Daisy, and Auntie Phoebe. Aunt Daisy and Phoebe are twins, but it's easy to tell them apart, however they don't mind if we ask them who is who. The third time Grandma time, she brought our baby Auntie, as we chose to call her. Her name is Doris.

The second time Grandma had come, and brought our Aunties, Daddy had cried, and hugged Auntie Lottie tightly, then his other sisters.

I have never seen Daddy that happy before.

We always go to the park on Sundays, and that's where Papa and Daddy would tell us stories while we eat lunch, and play music and sing for us until it gets dark. Now we have Danika and Dakota to bring along as well.

Damian doesn't dare to bother me anymore, Daddy gave his parents a good piece of his mind, and I'm pretty sure that they didn't appreciate their son acting up like that, I know that my Daddy and Papa wouldn't.

I decided to like girls instead of boys like Auntie Lottie, because there's a new girl in school, who's name is Valerie, and she's very pretty. Honestly, it was nothing but a crush.

However, when I finally mustered up the courage to tell her, she yelled at me and called me disgusting. When I came home crying that day, Daddy hugged me, and told me that it was going to be alright, and he sympathized with me. He told me about how no one wanted him while he was in school, because he was so badly bullied, and now he has Papa, so he doesn't care. He concluded that one day I will find someone who loves me as well in the future.

In the future, I hope for nothing more, other than the fact that our family will always stay together, everything else can come later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I apologize if the ending isn't that well! But anyways, I can't believe that it's actually over! I really hope that you guys enjoyed reading this, because I really enjoyed writing this! I really love you guys, and want to thank you all profusely for reading this! ILYASM!!!!


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